Hickoryhaggis

Poolside black Crocs with diamond jewels and a large chain on them.

Don’t be fooled by the Crocs that I got.

Protip: If you’re making up a song to sing to your dog, it’s helpful to remember that “snoot” rhymes with “cute.”

This day in history. 958. Archbishop of Canterbury Oda the Good died; succeeded by Ælfsige the Somewhat Less Than Satisfactory But What Are You Gonna Do.

Sun's out
Staple gun's out

*attaches pamphlet to forehead*

too depressed to stress, is that how the saying goes?

The Three Little Pigs were the original Property Brothers.

*flirting*

well i invented the word "depressimist"

ok i'll leave now

*covers up real feelings with aggressive sarcasm*

*seductively takes off my glasses*

Wow, you’re so fucking blurry

ben affleck's full name is ben as fuck fleck

Some of you could probably use a hogwash.

motel 6: we’ll leave the light on for you

the dad of motel 6: well why don’t you also just leave a bunch of doors and windows open while the a/c is on, jesus christ

i’m not a real person, i’m an existential dread wrapped in an “i’m fine”

Morning.

Part of a life that just wasn’t meant to be.

"That's enough out of you," I whisper to myself.

Good girls don't ask for anything,
They misbehave until they get what they want.

Ain't no one in a suit coming to save you.

Go to fuck yourself!
I shout as I devour another sugary doughnut.

Behind every successful man is a woman pushing him to do or die.

I refuse to go to therapy so my art can thrive.

I have costco-size smores supllies.

Does this tinfoil hat reflect well on me?

Nothing makes me feel like more of a failure of a human than when I put my hoodie on backwards and can’t figure out what’s happening

I try to find any truth in the media these days the same way that one tries to find a wedding ring their dog ate.

I knew wearing these super trendy loafers and my new pink crop top would be to much for book club
but you only live once babes.