PAM!

I couldn't afford an AI companion, so I got a Magic 8 Ball to carry around with me and now we're in love.

BRICK! I DON'T KNOW THIS FOR CERTAIN, BUT IF YOU SHOULD NOT EAT YELLOW SNOW MAYBE YOU SHOULD NOT BREATHE YELLOW WIND!

Even an amoeba moves away from pain

Now rest the deep breaths of silent seething and twist that regret into a raft. If it rows backward, jump and disappear.

I hate how much you made me love you

I’m going to need to have a talk with the stars.

A digital drawing of 2 weird blobby shaped guys with legs and big round eyes, standing there awkwardly.

#3271 Just two guys and an uncomfortable silence

Sorry Turbo Jerry, but no.

That's so cute though.

Lol. Hilarious. Like there is such a thing. Lolz. UNLESS 👀

If a deadly laser shot out of every light bulb in my room, I'd be extremely dead right now. But if, instead, it was... like.. instead.. some kind of sex laser, I guess I'd be alright.

🥹🧢

the critical point is that good people have friends everywhere... bad people need to cultivate bad friends or rely on greed as a motivator

i would simply traverse the strait of hormuz with a pure heart, ensuring my safe passage

The room is teaming with hypotheticals, cover your vulnerable bits.

im grabbing your hand to tell you. it’s not too late to start wearing a mask again. it’s better to wear a mask 1/4 of the time (or whatever your percent looks like) than not at all. there’s no shame in starting to be covid safe again even if you havent been for a long time. its okay

Had an art teacher back when electricity was new, who told us: "Girls, if you have a gentleman caller coming over don't spend a bunch of time on your makeup. Just put soft pink lightbulbs in all your fixtures and you'll glow".

Of course, she was divorced. Aaaand addicted to prescription pain meds

Somebody find the probiotics that make you post good so I can post good again

a white wolf is sitting in the snow with its mouth open . Alt: a white wolf is sitting in the snow with its mouth open . Doing a howl awoo

Awoooo Wednesday

I tell you, you never say "I wish I'd waited". It's all part of being a good pet parent ❤️

every night i handfeed you from my dream-vine: persimmalons, floranges that smell like bees, one luminous lemorine. i theophanize as the goddess of vitamin C

I'm glad your amused. They're dragging me naked and hog tied into the marsh. I don't think it's because I've won a vacation.

Oh, I'm sure we all do. I bet we all know Liams we like too. I'm just positive.

I do not have an awoooo friendly HOA, Jared.

SHOW HIS ASS!

He leaned so close he could feel her eyelash trembling upon his cheek. It was a moment of pure transcendence. Then, she whispered something he couldn’t quite make out.
“Conjunctivitis,” she repeated.

I read beard glitter.

(hands you stack of 42 Lean Cuisine trays)

reassuring that the old man who guesses shoe sizes at this carnival is also the most powerful man in the world