baby sister kelly

im tryna tell you what i dream of and thats gas stations

a sinkhole swallows up the culvert im sheltering in while im eating handfuls of sawdust and im like yeah that makes sense for me tbh

no matter how catastrophic my life is i still go "i had it too good for too long" when more bad things happen

did i call you daddy in spanish or a delicate flower? its not for you to know

brows are the mustaches of the eyes

sometimes i will write the quick brown fox pangram in my journal to practice handwriting with my brain off and ive realized its my "all work and no play" to anyone who peeks at it with no context

colby sees you and has decided. you need a kiss

while it remains very funny that the austrian army invaded itself bc they thought the ottomans were upon them having misheard "halt" as "allah"; that is fully how islamophobic and reactionary people are now

I AM NOT HERE TO BE SMART AND HAVE OPINIONS I AM HERE TO BE HOT AND ANNOYING

since caring for a dementia patient im incapable of being goofed on bc i will not refute any insane shit said to me. you can go "im a cannibal terrorist from hell i won a gold medal & died on the podium just now!" & id go "oh, sure, okay. well that clears things up on my end so i appreciate that"

is there some part of the idiom that people drop from "you catch more flies w honey than vinegar" bc ive made a lot of fruit fly traps & honey is not the draw people assume; however the flies go all in for red wine vinegar. theyre having a roman orgy under that clingfilm. they fucking love vinegar?

An orange cat with eyes wide

i feel i should be lauded just for not overfeeding my boy even though he looks at me like this all the time. a very compelling appeal for more munchies than he is allotted

why would you keep me at arms length. i can kick you from here. dumb

if colby doesnt respond when i call i just play other cat meows until he storms in in a jealous rage looking for his rival. hes low key possessive and toxic but i love him

sometimes when my earbuds cut out while i watch video i think its just there's another word people have to censor now

i love that hatshepsut was like "i identify as pharoah" and that it completely worked out for her

sometimes i pretend im heading to the kitchen just to see my cat scramble over there frantically. thats our version of pretending to throw the ball playing fetch. make a run for it you little chump lmao

has a dumbwaiter ever operated normally on screen or are they strictly a children mangling tragedy contraption

when i think about how optimistic and jubilant i was after my 2nd vax i just want to flying elbow drop that version of me. theres not going to be an after covid you stupid slut 😭