fucked up little thing

im not broken im just me. im just. eden.

im not broken im not broken im not broken im not broken im not broken i swear im not please believe me

im not broken

he says he knows what im feeling. he doesnt. yeah hes felt similar things. but he has zero diagnosed mental problems. he doesnt have a fucking clue. it infuriates me.

and he says “you fixed yet?” whenever i get out of therapy. its a joke but i feel like he sees my mental disabilities as problems. things that can be fixed. they cant. he doesnt understand that. this isnt just a bad day. i want to kill myself. but i dont think youd know anything about that.

my dad keeps asking me if i ask chatgpt what to do with my time during the hours. “like this is my situation, what do i do, what the hell’s wrong with me, how do i fix it” shut up. you keep saying that word. fix. like im some broken object. i. i understand im not really okay. but fix? really?

i sshouldnt do this. i. it wwouldnt be nice of me to jjust hide this away. he. he’d only feel wworse if i did this instead of talking to him. i. i ddont know. i tthink im going to try to ttalk to him.

i wish i was a real girl

im probably just overreacting again

“im not broken” says the pile of shattered glass

and as you know, im completely useless on my own

so you need to tell me what to do every day! i know youll make the right decisions for me

so ill do everything you tell me to. really

i want to do it again. i want to feel that pain again. i want to cut deeper this time. i know i shouldnt.

i want to turn the volume up on my music. i like my music. i dont like hearing most things. there are some i like. i like his voice. i like my feminine voice. and i like my music. i wanna turn the volume up and tune everything else out.

it feels weird to be awake im scared i want to go home i want to sleep i dont want to be here

uuhrg fukc my body feels off something iisnt right i dont know whats going on

god i actually feel weird my body doesnt want to listen to me

i dont know if im talking about school, stress, or my life here

god i hate this so much i just want this to be over already

god i want to give up. i really want to give up. but i cant so im stuck here. at this point im considering just trying to pass true crime and do economics over the summer and get my diploma at the end of summer. im also considering attempting but thats not gonna happen

i need something right now but i dont know whag it is i feel sweaty and hot and my head hurts and theres fucking acne on me and theres hair on my face and i cant even think i want to cry

im really fucking mad but i feel tired so i cant even do anything with these feelings so i just have to sit here

i hate this so much

at this point im going to try and cut the acne off of me and then end up severely wounding myself

god i feel like im being held up by strings

i feel like shit currently. i dont know how long my motivation can carry me before i just cant anymore. and i feel like its running out rapidly.

uuhggg GODDD I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH hhfgggh fb ggnngnfmbjvhgh

Feelin' it

dysphoria,,..

i hate this so fucking much i want to sleep this off but i cant and i feel like im going to be in trouble this weekend and i dont want to be and im scared and i hate this so much i wish i could just be a failure and give up and die

i want to hurt myself again