Bensmom33

So there wasn't a miscalculation and you knew this wouldn't short so you lied to the American public. Got it.

In Trump's mind he is the United States of America, so American First is really Trump First.

Keep waving the bigger paychecks sign over them, that will definitely revive them.

Was this story planted by the new Target CEO?

"The blisters will be worth it if I can destroy Cuba."

The one who didn't do any of this when they had control of both houses and the presidency.

It's like that scene in Alien with the flag trying to escape his body.

Henry gets jealous of the time Alex is spending with them and creates a book group with the same people leading to a War of the Roses situation over a group of senior citizens.

AI is a lot like the self checkout at my supermarket. It looks good on paper but needs constant human intervention when it inevitably fucks up.

I think we all know he becomes an expert and joins a local knitting circle.

4. In the recycling bin (Yeah, I have no idea about that one)

5. Under the full length mirror in the bathroom (Manscaping takes multiple angles, Henry)

+1

In a container of rice (David got into Bethesda Fountain again)

#RWRBficlet

A series of unfortunate events, aka 5 times Alex's phone is found in an unusual place.

1. In the refrigerator (I was making a shopping list)

2. In the piano bench (I was looking for a brief I was working on)

3. In the coffee bean bag (I think that one is self-explanatory)

My condolences.

Henry joins a cricket league after he moves to Brooklyn. In an effort to find something to keep his hands busy, Alex learns to knit and becomes one of those people who knits on the subway on the way to work. NY Post headline: ACD's Knitty Gritty Commute

Thanks! He learned 2 important lessons: one that mountain dew is crap and two mom is sometimes right about things, namely mountain dew is crap.

Why are you here?

That is a question that has plagued philosophers for thousands of years.

Security over buzzer: No, why are you HERE?

Me: Oh, the nurse called. I need to pick up my kid.

That would also assume he would notice they suddenly fit. They could just say they fit the entire time and he would have no idea.

Then why didn't he do it the first time he was in office?

He doesn't think about the next election while he wears merchandise he sells for a potential 3rd unconstitutional presidency.

Operation Epic McFlurry: I combine a Shamrock Shake and an M & M McFlurry. It is as disgusting as expected.

My specialty. Any guesses as to what I was cooking for dinner tonight? 😜

They did a bang up job in my district knocking out the front running moderate candidate while their preferred candidate got trounced.

'My son's old crocs fit me' is the new saddest 6 word story involving shoes.

In order to be embarrassed you need shame, which he clearly lacks.

Who was the first person to figure out that if you heat a potato it becomes edible? Were they randomly putting hard objects in a fire and were shocked when one of them came out soft?

I can't help but wonder if your this happened on this date in history calendar was working back then you might have known the job had been filled.

Omg this reminds me of something my son did to a US Representative. The guy went to fist bump my son in a parade and my son grabbed his hand like the cloud in Trolls and said nom. I was dying.

Psst your classism is showing.

Because our commander in chief has the critical facility of a wet noodle.

Operation Epic Failure