I’d be defenseless
10.03.2026 12:12
👍 1
🔁 0
💬 1
📌 0
the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome
10.03.2026 11:58
👍 205
🔁 74
💬 11
📌 1
DRIVE LIKE YOUR KIDS LIVE HERE
- Ok, I’ll call the cops and report you for kidnapping
08.03.2026 15:09
👍 19
🔁 6
💬 0
📌 0
DRIVE LIKE YOUR KIDS LIVE HERE
- Ok, I’ll scream insults at my ex-wife
08.03.2026 15:09
👍 13
🔁 2
💬 0
📌 0
DRIVE LIKE YOUR KIDS LIVE HERE
- Ok, I’ll park in your driveway
08.03.2026 15:07
👍 21
🔁 8
💬 0
📌 0
That’s ok, I’ll send you a lengthy dm
08.03.2026 14:55
👍 1
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
if your post is too long I probably didn’t read it.
15.11.2025 20:17
👍 54
🔁 21
💬 6
📌 1
It has come to my attention that my loud coworker is days away from having a nuclear weapon
03.03.2026 03:37
👍 242
🔁 48
💬 9
📌 0
His jokes are so over my head
08.03.2026 14:54
👍 2
🔁 0
💬 0
📌 0
Jesus has the chance to do the funniest thing ever
04.03.2026 16:20
👍 138
🔁 32
💬 5
📌 0
It’s better than a punch in the stomach
08.03.2026 14:53
👍 4
🔁 0
💬 1
📌 0
Houdini, running out of ideas: Watch and marvel as I escape from this predatory timeshare contract!
06.03.2026 23:56
👍 263
🔁 67
💬 11
📌 0
Grown ass man using swiffer as a verb
07.03.2026 23:18
👍 114
🔁 30
💬 11
📌 1
i’m gonna hold your boobs while i say this: i really like your boobs
05.03.2026 13:30
👍 89
🔁 27
💬 2
📌 0
sorry i didn’t text you back; i clicked “close all tabs” in my brain and forgot everything i’ve ever known
03.03.2026 12:35
👍 218
🔁 74
💬 0
📌 0
Hello this is Robert Stack and tonight on unexplained mysteries we talk to a guy who buys Labatts on Amazon
02.03.2026 20:41
👍 30
🔁 7
💬 0
📌 1
Fact: sperm whales call humans “jizz monkeys”
27.02.2026 16:40
👍 244
🔁 81
💬 4
📌 1
life’s too short not to spend a little time harmonizing with other humans
04.03.2026 03:28
👍 62
🔁 25
💬 2
📌 0
The way penne sounds as it falls into boiling water gives me a will to live
08.03.2026 08:20
👍 34
🔁 8
💬 1
📌 0
Idea for summer BBQ season
A hot dog trellis
03.03.2026 14:06
👍 10
🔁 4
💬 2
📌 2
Why is it indecent for women to be topless but not for men, when we look better with our shirts off?
04.03.2026 01:51
👍 146
🔁 19
💬 27
📌 2
Why don't we hear about people getting "the vapors" anymore?
07.03.2026 14:36
👍 123
🔁 30
💬 30
📌 0
All my internet boyfriends are asleep. Including yours.
07.03.2026 06:07
👍 35
🔁 8
💬 6
📌 0
I don’t ask for dick. Dick asks for me.
07.03.2026 06:39
👍 62
🔁 16
💬 5
📌 0
I’m sorry I sent your husband nudes. In my defense, he asked.
08.03.2026 04:16
👍 146
🔁 28
💬 15
📌 2
Out of curiosity, I searched online “what items are made in the United States sourced entirely from materials within the United States”
It said “your mom”
02.04.2025 21:08
👍 202
🔁 52
💬 3
📌 2
Cheetos & whiskey don’t mix, but that’s not stopping me. I’m no bitch.
23.11.2024 02:24
👍 681
🔁 56
💬 32
📌 0
I can never walk past a sugar maple without saying I’d tap that
07.03.2026 14:33
👍 308
🔁 92
💬 12
📌 0
Me and my dog used to talk about our balls a lot.
“You’ve got balls and I’ve got balls too,” he’d say. “We’ve both got balls!” I miss him so much.
07.03.2026 18:36
👍 84
🔁 24
💬 5
📌 0
There was a time in the 90’s when you couldn’t buy a head of lettuce without a ponytail on it
08.03.2026 11:26
👍 72
🔁 23
💬 4
📌 0
