Natalie Would

Art is the world's G spot

Hot male nurse said I have "great veins", so I'm thinking a June ceremony

*reaches acceptance*

*goes back to denial*

At 1000 followers I'm showing pinky

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work

I have 2 dance moves: stripper and I wanna go home

He showed up and that's a deal breaker

My family crest is a coupon

Focaccia would be a great name for an hysterical matriarch

Sorry I disappeared for 10 years, it was a reflex

Damn boy, are you my self esteem? because lower

She was rare, like a goth with dimples

Dust is yesterday particles, sweat is now juice, dreams are the director's cut

It's lonely at the top? now I really wanna go

I'm getting a lot of Oscar buzz since my upstairs neighbor Oscar went off his meds

Men will literally swim naked in a Bass Pro shop aquarium instead of going to therapy

BREAKING: Sex dolls unionize, demand more closet space

He calls you doll face because you have dead eyes and you're his transitional object

*somehow gives a sarcastic hug*

It's ok house, I'm settling too

The enemy of my enemy isn't doing a very good job

Every room is an escape room when someone starts reading their work

You can shoot the messenger, as a little treat

All pets are rocks

Raisin hate is ageism

We're all just our parents' emotional support DNA

So, is there a Mrs. Elephant Man?

Oh, you like yourself? how quaint

Excuse me Sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Everyone should be presumed gay until they come out as bi