why toss and turn all night worrying about nothing when you can toss and turn all night worrying about taxes?
08.02.2026 13:38
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why toss and turn all night worrying about nothing when you can toss and turn all night worrying about taxes?
Dammit. Shot my eye out.
βSquirrel!β
Umm, so this tape donβt even taste like scotch.
2025 has been the longest five years of my life. Happy Festivus though!
Just for fun, wear a red polo to Target tomorrow and when anyone asks you a question tell them to fuck off. Or, point them toward the bathroom. Your call.
βSup
So I made a deal with my daughter. Cost me $40. When I die, she has to wait a month, then text everyone on my contact listβ¦ βDamn itβs hot down here.β
Pro Tip: wear your Apple Watch when rubbing one out. Tracks like you did a 30-minute sprint. Youβre welcome
Just now getting around to giving away all my late wifeβs things. It hasnβt been easy toβ
Damn she just texted sheβs finally on her way home. Oops.
Itβs only 6pm?! Geez. Feels like itβs laterβ¦
Trick or Treat was last night but we had another kid show up tonight! He was dressed like an Amazon driver! He had a package for me and even had a van! Great costume! I might be drunk.
The problem with owning a sword is that you want to be able to use the sword.
HR: You can't bring a sword to work
But... what about Brenda? She keeps calling Thursday "Pre-Friday!"
I put my pants on the same way as everyone else. Only when I have to
Thinking of joining ice. But never ever actually doing anything. Seems to work for congress
I loaded the dishwasher correctly l, thus preventing an epic fight. Whereβs my Peace Prize?
It's a sunny warm day, fluffy clouds in the sky. Great day for a walk.
β ππ©πͺπ΄ πΆπ΄π¦π³ πͺπ΄ π΄πΆπ΄π±π¦π€π΅π¦π₯ π°π§ π£π¦πͺπ―π¨ π±π’π³π΅ π°π§ π’ π΅π¦π³π³π°π³πͺπ΄π΅ π°π³π¨π’π―πͺπ»π’π΅πͺπ°π― π€π’πππ¦π₯ ππ―π΅πͺπ§π’. πππ¦π’π΄π¦ π³π¦π±π°π³π΅ π’π―πΊ π΄πΆπ΄π±πͺπ€πͺπ°πΆπ΄ π£π¦π©π’π·πͺπ°π³.
And why most of us will never go to therapy:
- βRub some dirt on it.β
- βIβll give you something to cry about!β
- βWalk it offβ¦β
- βYer killinβ me, Smalls!β
Your attention please: This year, Fall in Ohio will finally happen on Oct 29th and last from 3-7:30pm. Winter will begin on Halloween.οΏΌ
My daughter made fresh homemade brownies. And has vanilla ice cream.
I canβt have any, but want some. Since youβve read this, you want some too. But you donβt have any. Now I feel better.
Fall decorating and⦠done.
Support the Firstβ¦
Youβre not trying hard enough π€£
And men men because⦠men
New book out. Urban paranormal fantasy. On kindle unlimited.
www.amazon.com/Pleasure-Car...
What I find most attractive in a man is that he completely ignores me
Itβs like my mom always said, what the fuck is wrong with you
My mom worked until she was 89 years old. She died a few years later. What I learned from this was that my mom worked way too much
"I read your book. I gave it 1-star because it wouldn't let me give you 0. It was meandering, pointless, themeless, and utterly juvenile."
Me:
No one will ever scam money from me. Not because Iβm smartβI just never have money