Cookie guy

I am about to deploy the OA dance against Donald Trump

Humpty dumpty owed someone money - I know a bullshit story to get out of paying when I see it

But I wanna operate heavy machinery NOW!

while everyone is ragging on the nyt for the umpteenth time it’s important to also stress no one gives a shit about your wordle score. why would you think otherwise

i don't know

engaging in protracted psychological warfare right before your eyes player

Making up a type of guy (American who would leave Omelas)

some of you are posting like you have never known the epic triumphs of making sales

[redacted] is lowkey goated when [redacted] is the vibe

Luke Kornet should be banned from the NBA for life.

I said what I said.

Government by crack seeking behavior

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YouTube tutorial how to refine oil
Oil patches near me
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How to ride a bicycle
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How to tie hangmans noose

Think about how funny it will be to read the company wide email that you should take the rest of the day off to observe "a period of national mourning" when you know the bosses only need everyone to leave because they won't be able to stop everybody on staff from doing fireball shots at their desk.

Donkey from Shrek w/ the famous funny quote "They won't let you say What Must Be Done because they fear the sheer number of people who know, Shrek."

Woah, Shrek is 25. What are some of your favorite Shrek quotes?

What did you think touching the stove meant for American swine? Vibes? Essays? A drum circle? Donny is ordering his secret police to jam the American consumer’s head under the broiler while screaming that we should thank him lol

They should teach something useful in school, like how to reply "Is that good" to every single item of breaking news

I bet they will be super chill

Hey man at your interview make sure when you celebrate future war crimes you get a little phrasing with it

proud to announce I am also invading Iran. just hoping to get like a nice apartment or something out of it, my imperial ambitions are modest. i am also invading america after just in case

The correct answer to a Jake Tapper question is "You have more in common with a dog than with me"

Does BlueSky really have a future if the schizophrenic Tucker Carlson fan who spent years threatening to kill me isn't on here???

Matthew McConaughey in True Detective with yellow text in front of him that reads " Matthew McConaughey "Time is all a fugazi. You know what a fugazi is? Uh. Fugayzi. It’s a fake. Fugayzi, fugazi, it’s a whazy, it’s a woozy, it’s… Fairy dust. It doesn’t exist. It’s never landed. It is no matter. It’s not on the elemental chart. It’s not fucking real."

What's wrong honey? you haven't even touched your pointless imperial conflict this morning

wow i'm the CEO of anthropic and i think maybe my computer program has become a living slave. click here to rent my slave for $20 a month

Dear Mr. "My-AI-Is-Conscious", I am ready at this date to concede the argument and move to "Consequences"

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a narrator.

when do we get death threat clearance for these fuckin freaks. can we flip that on. they do this stuff but we're in trouble for saying Method Man torture skit to them?? i can't say where their insides oughta be (eg loose on the floor)? let's get this trending! limited death threat tolerance NOW!! ✅

Showed up to my parents church today and got the baby Diego treatment

you live in a prison of social constructs that determine who you are and what ur worth. this is all made up actually