reppocs

You can tell that things are going super well in this country by the fact that my instagram ads are almost exclusively for gun safes and gas masks.

Dude, Safelite is making bank in Minneapolis these days.

My 7 year old is now banned from watching YouTube. She just told me some shit about dolphins and ended with, “Make sure to like and subscribe for more educational content.”

I'm not good at gaslighting, but I tell everybody I am.

If your last name's Epstein, I'm bringing it up.

a man is walking down the street with the words you 're a fake and a fraud written below him ALT: a man is walking down the street with the words you 're a fake and a fraud written below him

Sephora?

I ruined my daughter's joke.

Daughter: "Knock knock."
Me: "Who's there?"
Daughter: "The police."
Me: "Do you have a warrant?"

Would love to see The Great Gatsby, but set in Staten Island. Cc: @nbcsnl.bsky.social

The recipe for Marry Me Chicken proves the existence of Fuck Me Chicken and Kill Me Chicken.

mid

In an HR meeting, because a coworker showed me a picture of her baby and I said she was mid.

Why the question marks? You're the one telling us, dude.

Ramen with hot dogs in it. I miss my wife.

I swore to myself I'd never lie to my children, but then they asked me if I'm happy.

Been going for years. It's kind of worked.

At a birthday party and the kid’s getting a lot of Lego, which gives me the opportunity to tell everyone that the plural of Lego is Lego, because I don’t enjoy people liking me.

a man is hanging from a rope in the desert while wearing a hat . ALT: a man is hanging from a rope in the desert while wearing a hat .

AI IS THE FUTURE!

a woman in a red dress is holding a microphone in her hand and raising her fist in the air . ALT: a woman in a red dress is holding a microphone in her hand and raising her fist in the air .

YOU GET A LUIGI! AND YOU GET A LUIGI!

Dad rap. Instead of cars and jewelry, you just brag about how your son's doing in travel baseball.

Corey Reppond Things made by Corey Reppond.

I got roped in to filming and editing a video for my kid's school PTA. It reminded me of the dumb videos I used to make. www.youtube.com/coreymadeit

I've intended every pun I've ever made.

If I see one more person use the term “unalive”, I’m going to kill myself.

87% of people in NYC are recording a vlog. The other 13% are pushing that 87% on to the subway tracks.

#ASAB

My bad. I took the surface streets to the Comedy Zone.

Follow your bliss.

I think the best part about having done standup for a long time is seeing some of your friends fail and then turn in to right wing lunatics.

To be honest, all I really want is just bran.

a man wearing a blue rosetta stone polo shirt ALT: a man wearing a blue rosetta stone polo shirt

“Where’s dad?”

“Dad had to go to Thailand for… a thing…”

“20 is great, but 16 is better.”