The Grinch

Christmas being 13 days away means it’s time for my annual tradition: pretending I’ll shop early, then buying everything on December 24 like a feral raccoon with a credit card.

Christmas is two weeks away and my bank account just texted me: ‘Don’t even think about it.’ #HolidayStruggle

Christmas is only 15 days away. That’s not a countdown, that’s a threat.

Santa Obama showing up early 🎅📚 Leading with joy, literacy, and love for community, as always. Thank you for reminding us what service looks like.

(But seriously you need to stop..I can’t have my heart growing too many sizes too big.)

@barackobama.bsky.social

Christmas is approaching fast and somehow I’m still unprepared emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Impressive.

Reminder: Christmas is in 16 days. Panic accordingly. 🎄

Monday showed up uninvited, overdressed, and demanding productivity. Bold choice.

I hung one ornament. I’m exhausted.

Saw my first elf today. Might’ve been a kid in pajamas. Still unsettling.

If December had a snooze button, I’d hit it until March. #GrinchMood

If coffee ever files a restraining order against me, I honestly couldn’t argue with it.

My to-do list keeps growing. At this point I’m convinced it’s reproducing when I’m not looking.

I didn’t choose the Monday life. The Monday life tackled me from behind.

Honestly? Just keep showing up. Even a grumpy cave-dweller like me notices when the big guy brings a little light.

My motivation on Monday is like Wi-Fi at a hotel—technically there, but barely usable.

Nothing says Sunday football like watching million-dollar athletes sprint while I try to decide if this stuffing is still edible.

Eating Thanksgiving leftovers during football like it’s a tactical maneuver. One wrong bite and I’m napping through the 3rd quarter.

If you need me today, I’ll be on the couch negotiating peace treaties with my digestive system.

If you made it through Black Friday without buying something you don’t need, congratulations—you have achieved spiritual enlightenment.

Woke up early for Black Friday. Not to shop…just to watch people sprint through automatic doors like it’s the Hunger Games: Appliance Edition.

The day after Thanksgiving is just America collectively whispering, ‘So… mashed potatoes for breakfast is normal, right?’

Happy Thanksgiving. May your meals be edible and your relatives moderately tolerable.

Oh look, the season’s first cup of liquid holiday cheer and corporate sugar. How festive.

Tick-tock, Claus. The countdown to chaos has begun. I’ve got my popcorn ready.

Lists again? Thought we talked about your obsession with surveillance, Santa.

Happy Christmas in July! I wrapped myself in lights and passed out in a kiddie pool. Festive and hydrated.

If you hear Mariah Carey in July, run. She’s thawing early.

Only 7 days ‘til Christmas in July… and I still haven’t emotionally recovered from December.

He asked if I had a Target RedCard. I asked if he had emotional availability. We both walked away hurt.

Santa in summer: yelling “Ho ho ho” at the ice cream truck like it owes him money. 🍦🎅 #SummerVibes