Surprised Eel Historian, PhD

Thank you! I try to make the alt text both useful and fun

Oooh! I love those

Meme. Colored drawing of medieval-looking people fishing in a stream with nets and wicker traps. It's a busy scene, and the people look somewhat happy and also industrious. All of the figures are muscled and would look quite dangerous if they came upon you in a dark alley with their nets and spears and all. Right now they're only fishing for fish. If they became fishers of men, they'd make for an excellent mob of muggers. * The ladies have leaves in their hats, which adds a festive air to the event. It's clearly a fishing party. They all have colorful shirts, but the men are wearing brown shirts only. Apparently, fishing (like so many other things in life, it seems) is only manly if you wear the right uniform. Likely they are also saying condescending things to each other, and comparing the size of their eels. Boys will be boys, etc. You can't see any fish or eels, but they're there. Judging you for your sins. Meme text reads: "TFW your revenue stream is dammed complicated" * Not muggers like the mugger of Mugger-Ghaut, however. Though that would explain why they're all in the water.

Are you having trouble keeping your eels to yourself? The Prior of Hardham understands.

In 1400 he accused locals of diverting water from the his stream & stealing his fish. The stream had been good for 4,000 eels per year. But now the Prior complained that he could only get 200!
🗃️🧪

Thank you! I try to put some life into the alt-text. I hope you continue to enjoy it (and that you enjoy the eel history!)

Most, honestly. Especially lately

Thank you! I try

Meme. Colored drawing of medieval-looking people fishing in a stream with nets and wicker traps. It's a busy scene, and the people look somewhat happy and also industrious. All of the figures are muscled and would look quite dangerous if they came upon you in a dark alley with their nets and spears and all. Right now they're only fishing for fish. If they became fishers of men, they'd make for an excellent mob of muggers. * The ladies have leaves in their hats, which adds a festive air to the event. It's clearly a fishing party. They all have colorful shirts, but the men are wearing brown shirts only. Apparently, fishing (like so many other things in life, it seems) is only manly if you wear the right uniform. Likely they are also saying condescending things to each other, and comparing the size of their eels. Boys will be boys, etc. You can't see any fish or eels, but they're there. Judging you for your sins. Meme text reads: "TFW your revenue stream is dammed complicated" * Not muggers like the mugger of Mugger-Ghaut, however. Though that would explain why they're all in the water.

Are you having trouble keeping your eels to yourself? The Prior of Hardham understands.

In 1400 he accused locals of diverting water from the his stream & stealing his fish. The stream had been good for 4,000 eels per year. But now the Prior complained that he could only get 200!
🗃️🧪

It started with children, at least. 26 of them!

Well done. Carry on.

This is why I’ve been posting it in little pieces on social media for years. I’m serializing it.

It really shows

If you write that a quarter of your time in your PhD program was spent “building writing” then maybe you should have spent some of that time learning how to write.

Thank you!

It is! In that there are children in it

An Edward Gorey drawing showing a morose looking black bird on a branch. He (and this feels very much like a he) is pointing downwards with one scraggly wing, and looking straight ahead with debt-filled eyes. His beak is long and sharp, like winter on the Great Plains. He is pointing with his right wing, but this means he is pointing to your left. Your wicked, sinister side. This is no accident. The Bird makes no such mistakes. But he is talking, and the text tells us that he is saying, "Beware of this and that." Honestly, you feel his message in your bones.

Some days I just feel like this Edward Gorey bird gets it.

An Edward Gorey drawing showing a morose looking black bird on a branch. He (and this feels very much like a he) is pointing downwards with one scraggly wing, and looking straight ahead with debt-filled eyes. His beak is long and sharp, like winter on the Great Plains. He is pointing with his right wing, but this means he is pointing to your left. Your wicked, sinister side. This is no accident. The Bird makes no such mistakes. But he is talking, and the text tells us that he is saying, "Beware of this and that." Honestly, you feel his message in your bones.

Some days I just feel like this Edward Gorey bird gets it.

Meme. Drawing of a medieval merchant with his cart. He has a gray beard, and a wide-brimmed brown hat that is flat on top. Various pouches hang from his belt. We'll call him Vestabeaux. It's what his mother would have done if she'd thought of it. Vestabeaux is standing in front of a handcart or small wagon with enormous wheels. It is loaded down with goods, including what look like large bagels or donuts, and maybe a basket of sticks. Is is on his way to the annual donut festival at St. Albans? We'll say "yes." The cart's wheels are taller than the man. Vestabeaux is leaning on his medieval Big Wheel with one arm, and has the other hand on his hip. He is looking somewhat put out, as if there's a dead walrus in the path in front of him, and he's not sure how to proceed. It's going to be really hard to get those big wheels over a walrus carcass. But if he doesn't, all the children of St. Albans (let alone the monks!) will be donutless, and tearful. Fear not! The resolve in our man's face says he won't let that happen. Meme text reads: "Pay to sell? That's eelogical!"

It's 1400. You've got a cartload of eels to sell in London. Time to get rich!

Hold up there, hoss! London charges import taxes on your eels. You've got to pay The Man:

Murage fees: 10 d./1000 eels
Customs: 2 d./cart

THEN you can start raking in those sweet eel profits!
🗃️🧪

Thank you!

What's that in the road?
Not another dead walrus!
We'll be late for sure!

Meme. Drawing of a medieval merchant with his cart. He has a gray beard, and a wide-brimmed brown hat that is flat on top. Various pouches hang from his belt. We'll call him Vestabeaux. It's what his mother would have done if she'd thought of it. Vestabeaux is standing in front of a handcart or small wagon with enormous wheels. It is loaded down with goods, including what look like large bagels or donuts, and maybe a basket of sticks. Is is on his way to the annual donut festival at St. Albans? We'll say "yes." The cart's wheels are taller than the man. Vestabeaux is leaning on his medieval Big Wheel with one arm, and has the other hand on his hip. He is looking somewhat put out, as if there's a dead walrus in the path in front of him, and he's not sure how to proceed. It's going to be really hard to get those big wheels over a walrus carcass. But if he doesn't, all the children of St. Albans (let alone the monks!) will be donutless, and tearful. Fear not! The resolve in our man's face says he won't let that happen. Meme text reads: "Pay to sell? That's eelogical!"

It's 1400. You've got a cartload of eels to sell in London. Time to get rich!

Hold up there, hoss! London charges import taxes on your eels. You've got to pay The Man:

Murage fees: 10 d./1000 eels
Customs: 2 d./cart

THEN you can start raking in those sweet eel profits!
🗃️🧪

Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that looks a bit like an eye with tentacles or legs coming from it. That’s disquieting, but it also has long and luxurious lashes. Maybe it’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

A drawing from today. An eye-spider, perhaps?

Ha. This is like how every year I get panicked that I forgot mother's day 'cause a large part of my feed is British.

Today only lasts
23 hours. This should be
a thing for Mondays.

This is the worst version of "My Favorite Things" that I've every heard

Meme. Image of Gilbert de Clare from a stained glass window. The image is cropped, so you're only seeing him from the shoulders up. He is wearing armor & a helmet. He has a shield on his back, and is wearing a brocaded yellow tabard with what a design in red on the chest. He had a mace, it's head painted red (with paint or blood...your choice!) on his back with his shield. He's standing before a blue background, making it look like he's falling into the sea from a great height. Roger is looking worried. His eyes are flicking up and far off to your right. His mouth is drawn up in a frown, and his nose is cautious. His face is pale like the moon reflected in a saucer of milk. His expression looks very much like he's sitting in a coffee shop & watching a pair of mormon missionaries getting closer and closer, evangelizing as they come. He just wants to drink his coffee and doomscroll, and he hates confrontation. Oh, where is the manager?? Meme text reads: "Eels! Well. I do de Clare!" Editorial note: in the whole annual cycle of eel history posts, there are a handful that I really look forward to (for various reasons). This is one, because the pun in the meme makes me unreasonably happy.

So Lent's around the corner & you're gettin' hungry. What do you do?

Well, if you're the unpleasant 13th C. knight Gilbert de Clare, you're in luck. Because on Shrove Tuesday fishermen from Tonbridge will pay you 20 large eels & 1500 small eels (60 sticks) in rents.

Problem solved!
🗃️🧪

I’ll play. My comps were technically in:

1. Medieval history
2. Medieval literature
3. Latin American history

‘Cause those were the fields my examiners were rated for. Bit my actual fields were:

1. Medieval European history
2. Medieval English historiography
3. Cartographic & spatial history

Meme. Image of Gilbert de Clare from a stained glass window. The image is cropped, so you're only seeing him from the shoulders up. He is wearing armor & a helmet. He has a shield on his back, and is wearing a brocaded yellow tabard with what a design in red on the chest. He had a mace, it's head painted red (with paint or blood...your choice!) on his back with his shield. He's standing before a blue background, making it look like he's falling into the sea from a great height. Roger is looking worried. His eyes are flicking up and far off to your right. His mouth is drawn up in a frown, and his nose is cautious. His face is pale like the moon reflected in a saucer of milk. His expression looks very much like he's sitting in a coffee shop & watching a pair of mormon missionaries getting closer and closer, evangelizing as they come. He just wants to drink his coffee and doomscroll, and he hates confrontation. Oh, where is the manager?? Meme text reads: "Eels! Well. I do de Clare!" Editorial note: in the whole annual cycle of eel history posts, there are a handful that I really look forward to (for various reasons). This is one, because the pun in the meme makes me unreasonably happy.

So Lent's around the corner & you're gettin' hungry. What do you do?

Well, if you're the unpleasant 13th C. knight Gilbert de Clare, you're in luck. Because on Shrove Tuesday fishermen from Tonbridge will pay you 20 large eels & 1500 small eels (60 sticks) in rents.

Problem solved!
🗃️🧪

They were! It was the apprentices who jumped him, so they were probably: a) looking after their masters' interests; b) not wanting to catch hell for the shop getting a fine; and c) bored.

It's also possible that Roger was a repeat offender

Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that look like the head of a bird or flyingsaurus coming free from a well-traveled walnut.

Not so sure what this drawing is. Perhaps a pterodactyl emerging from an egg?

Ok...so monk seals snort eels. But I hear you asking: What about me?

You can too!

According to a 1440 book of medical advice, you can cure a bloody nose by crushing up dried eel skin & snorting it like blow (through your "nose thirlles").

Don't let the seals have all the fun!
🗃️🧪