lavr

i have a lot of men to apologise to i cannot imagine having this shit running through your veins while your frontal lobe is all squishy and filled with taught misogyny

me as a 17 year old girl: "i can't believe the boys at school started a fight club in the bathrooms what losers"
me at 27, 2 weeks on T: *googling "fight club near me"*

you can eat them fresh too! they're usually pretty tart

its jam time

i will not allow instant mashed potatoes in my home

nah i get an original tender box (lmao) but swap out the potato and gravy for straight gravy

no i cant come into work on my day off there is a very full lilli pilli tree down the street from me and if i don't make jam about it then who will

trying to resist the urge to order kfc for dinner at 4 pm for the third time in a week

its also that ben loved it and both tracy and kenneth are different kinds of ben-coded. and also that its funny and stupid

cant tell how much of my love for 30 rock is that I like to hear a clarinet

i think about this all the time its so weird to see a character who is endearingly awful outside of a comedy and I really dont think anyone else could have nailed it like slattery did

getting slugged on by bowser

who could have predicted this

invented a new goated breakfast labne honey and fresh figs on roti yr welcome

ohohoho i love when a dog sleeps w their paw over their nose so cosy

what if bottom growth is just granulation tissue cause when u go on t u start beating that thing like it owes u money

perhaps its cause i woke up 2 and a half hours ago and havent eaten and also just spent an hour talking to the neighbour who loves to ask questions about my grief and I'm too awkward to tell her i dont want to talk about it

feeling wad and beird

ive been chopping my joints with chamomile and/or mint tea lately i dont see why you couldn't just chuck that in a rollie sans weed

god now i am too she should have anchovy earrings

stacked jabba the hutt gonna bring the homosexuals back to star war

I'm not gonna pretend i haven't eaten nachos straight out of the dish in bed but i wouldn't do it if someone was there to witness it

thats not a cobweb behind him thats his fucking fur it sticks to itself like that. what a freak

disgusting creature. if i die from mesothelioma it will be his fault.

I'm normal.

learning how to sample cause my brain needs to hear a version of "my name is" with the shoresy "huh?"

god alternate universe where you were a 1960s music producer would go so hard

despite the lack of funding and support, disrespect from supervisors, broken systems and awful realities of my students lives, the thing that upsets me the most about working in special ed is when someone uses my good scissors to cut sticky backed velcro

this is now a stan account for the lady sitting in front of me double fisting woodstock and cokes on the bus at 1:30 in the afternoon