Had a dream that Jeremy Clarkson would not stop kissing my hands
27.02.2026 04:57
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Had a dream that Jeremy Clarkson would not stop kissing my hands
Reminder to everyone that the CIA wrote a handbook for how anyone can resist in Nazi-occupied Europe.
getting railed by one ghost after another tonight like yes bitch make me see the error of my ways
You could call it out the back door
I just like the way it rolls off the tongue
I’m gonna name my cat Armored Personnel Carrier
Due to budget cuts the FBI will now be One Guy named Kevin Parker
Mewing for charity
To the person who cut me off in traffic: I hope every time you eat a Toblerone you accidentally eat a piece of the foil too
If aliens invade I’ll be their pet
“Elmo’s world!” He sings as crops burn and mothers cry. For who can tell Elmo otherwise?
I thought this was behind you
The seasonal threesome is called a turfucken.
What if before it rained the clouds got all thick and veiny
Polystyrene is a beautiful name for a girl
Wearing Realtree Crocs in public is like saying ‘yeah, I fish emotionally.’
skeleton draped over a taco bell table with a speech bubble that reads “baja blast me”
logging off
Feeling better after a little therapeutic Wolfenstein
i don’t want a vacation i want to be lightly sedated and placed beneath a tree
How to stay safe during an encounter with police:
1. Wear glasses
2. Say "you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses"
The raccoon cake pop from Starbucks does not taste like real raccoon
i think i like jelly donuts because they trigger my predator instincts — i see them bleed and i know they are prey.
I like women like I like black mold : in my walls and willing to kill me
No, I’m not calm. I’ve just given up.
The woke mob wants me arrested for being stinky
the chimps doing a 21 banana salute for jane goodall
Gingivitis is a beautiful name for a boy
Angrily emailing burt because the lip balm i just ate tastes like artificial bees
It came to me in a dream that the source of all minion memes is Omaha, Nebraska