Klondikebar

I forgot how much food there is in office jobs. They're just constantly shoving pizza and doughnuts at you. Send help.

IDK what's in the water in Brazil but you know if a dude's got an uncut dick and speaks Portuguese you are about to have top 3 sex of your life.

The butt will come on leg day. Today we are just doing normal gym pic feat: pile of clean laundry.

I'll post it here too. On Insta my butt only goes to close friends anyway so I don't jumpscare my ex coworkers and the straights in general.

I think it's time to show my butt on Instagram again.

Yeah it's a red flag if you're in your 30's and exclusively date/fuck guys in their 20's. Why are dudes your own age completely off the table?

Aw it's cute that you've started posting so many romantic relationship pictures! Which one of you is abusing the open relationship?

Do they think I'm going to jerk off my computer monitor in a sauna? Forget not even being gay, this dweeb is a straight up virgin.

Did...did that person seriously imply we could replace bathhouses with AI?! That person is not gay lol.

Every few years I try KFC again and I'm always shocked at how...bad everything is. Absolutely nothing about their chicken is good.

Petty tip: Only block your enemies on most of the apps. Leave them unblocked on one. Eventually the algorithm will jump scare them with your glow up.

Pretty sure my new boss is a 🚬🐐 so we're either going to be a disaster or unstoppable.

Good god I fucking love being vers.

An enthusiastic twink would heal me.

Alone in the gym so finally the speakers are gonna get to play some actual fun music.

Pedro Pascal soft launching a boyfriend makes me unreasonably happy.

Literally every single time I try dating again it takes less than a week to remember why I don't want to date.

Heated Rivalrly made me want to like hockey so badly but good god the sport is infested with dickless loser chuds I don't want to root for any of them.

He's running to be my senator and the greater context of this speech is not that bad. I promise you this dude is not trying to court white supremacists lol. I'm honestly a little pissed social media is clip chimping him like this.

Still convinced 90% of them are straight people larping as gay but there are few people I hate more than actual conservative bigoted gays. Idiots and traitors all of them.

I know exactly one pose.

"Swerve into oncoming traffic" is gonna make it really far this year.

If Ben on the US Men's Curling team turns out to be yet another chud conservative athlete I'm gonna cry.

The fact that it was so easy to get liberals and leftists to fight about Gavin goddamn Newsom THREE ENTIRE YEARS out from a primary is why we're never going to get healthcare.

Getting a drink order from 8 gays is 7 different ways to serve vodka and that one guy who drinks gin.

I added you.

Anxiety hittin real good today. So we're gonna take a xanny, put in an earbud, and bop to Carly Rae Jepsen all day.

I missed this handsome prince on my timeline.

And those 7 assholes literally kill you when they beat you which does explain why so many people intentionally suck at deckbuilding. You never wanna be that top 8 guy.