If I ever soft-launch a relationship on social media, you can safely assume the person has successfully met all qualification criteria, completed a rigorous 7–12 month evaluation period, and was also crowned champion in a decisive colosseum-style trial by combat.
What if instead of political debates we just brought out 2 skateboards to see who could land the best kickflip?
What if birds wore little pants?
Being a poet is like 10% writing and 90% fixating on someone who is actually pretty mid who you've romanticized for no reason.
I don't trust people who don't like cats. Cats are autistic-coded. If you don't like cats, you probably won't like me either. ☠️
YES! Always.
This seems so satisfying. Much better than a beep.
The neurodivergent urge to stop the microwave at one second so you don't have to hear the beep.
Fuck Trump, fuck Netanyahu, and fuck every person defending this cartoonishly evil bullshit.
I enjoy edging social interaction by making vague plans that never materialize.
I've never cheated on anyone, but if we're together, you'll have to listen to my early 2000s emo playlist in the car, which might actually be worse than cheating.
Waiting until marriage to make eye contact.
You're too kind!! 🥹
Thank you so much. 😊
Hi, friends. Mondays are Mondays but I have poems in A Thin Slice of Anxiety today. 🐓🎶🐈⬛
I highly recommend being cringe and authentic.
Following you if you have a car as a profile picture so I can keep tabs on you and make sure you aren't a Transformer.
First base is when we cyberbully republican senators together.
Absolutely! *high five*
Read a poetry book. Scream into your pillow. Do a cartwheel. Start speaking in a new accent at your job just to confuse everyone. Leave your dead-end situationship. Get a pet turtle. Blast Spanish music to piss off your racist neighbor. Take a pottery class. Make this world yours.
We can't be friends unless you have a creative outlet, have taken a grippy sock vacation, got bullied in high school for being emo, or have gone through a quarter-life crisis where you got really into Buddhism or collecting rocks.
I was told by somebody's racist uncle that Bad Bunny's performance would be a demonic ritual featuring drag queens, hardcore sex acts, and burning American flags. I didn't see any of that and now I'm disappointed.
Hello, good morning to anti-fascists only.
Librarian.
Kid Rock makes music for guys who ask "Did you cum?" after you give them head.
"Friends with benefits" is when you have a friend who lets you infodump to them about a niche special interest.
I'd rather read a book that has 17 typos on every page than a book written by AI.
There's this cool bird that comes to my window every morning. It's so plump and round that it looks like a baseball with legs. I'm sad to report I have not been able to get a picture of it. Will try again tomorrow.
Every annoying kid from grade school who used to tell on everyone for cursing is now an ICE supporter.
Big shoutout to the bird that just crashed headfirst into my window and then flew away like nothing happened. Understandable behavior in these trying times.
