Now that I'm married, sometimes I vacuum with my left hand because it feels like someone else is doing it.
31.12.2024 17:57
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Now that I'm married, sometimes I vacuum with my left hand because it feels like someone else is doing it.
Sucking my thumb at work. It's making everyone really uncomfortable but it's in my contract, so they can't do anything about it.
Toilet with a toilet paper roll on the left of the tank lid, and a rag on the right.
You use the toilet paper, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You use the rag, you stay in Wonderland. And I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Wearing my Dilbert tie at this wedding, everybody hates it
I'd blow Sonic's back out and then he'd make me breakfast in the morning
Do you think people in China would eat the bottom half of a mermaid?
Having thanksgiving dinner (A bunch of pinecones, twigs, and leaves served on a stump) with my family (between 7 and 15 frogs on mushrooms surrounding the stump)
Trump coded tweet
Full moon in window above taco bell apple empanada
Full moon tonight
If you tried to pull that sh*t at my bar, I'd ask you to leave and I wouldn't be nice about it.
Using Hims while listening to Her's
Just watched my coworker playfully pick up the engaged receptionist and her shirt came up on her belly. What a piece of shit.
I may be small, but I bite really hard