ghoul, interrupted

a honky girl!

masculinity is when no graphic design

anyway, yet another chunk of life quality that was taken from me both by my deeply horrible body and, even worse, the arguably malicious failure of our healthcare system ✨

i remember a time when my life wasn't singularly revolving around the planning of and working around my bowel movements. i remember a time when i didn't regularly sublux my hip and hurt my back from sitting on the toilet for too long

gentle reader, i was intending to go to the hardware story and maybe ikea today, but i can't, for i had to spend a total of like five hours shitting last night. i would like to thank my doctors who medically neglected me so long it got this bad in the first place

i hate being sick-disabled so, so much; i got about 3hrs of sleep last night because my fucked up intestine kept me awake and busy, and i still somehow miraculously managed to get up in the morning — then proceeded to crash after maybe 1hr of activity and now i'm fried for the rest of the day

i really love being unable to hold things in my hands and also sometimes if i'm exhausted enough just cramping and locking up for a certain amount of time

doc also fully ignored when i described to him my worsening neurological symptoms, which almost certainly constitute fnd, and potentially include seizures of some kind

first, do no harm

but sure, the best time to reduce/take away someone's pain meds is when their pain reaches new heights

i've had frequent headaches literally as long as i remember, daily ones for years on end, bad ones, migraine ones, but they never reached 10/10. my pain tolerance is high, i'm used to ignoring them. these were so bad i thought i had encephalitis. thought i might be dying.

in october i had a cold or the flu or whatever and my main symptom was white hot headaches that weren't responding to any treatment. like 10 of 10 on the pain scale headaches, i think i'm gonna die type headaches. after weeks, they got better but they still happen in-between near daily 7 to 8/10s

he's also really fucking keen on lowering my pregabalin, like at a certain point am i supposed to just die?

the prescription is for 20 pills 💀

no, i totally get all that, i also often have trouble eating anything bc everything seems gross and i don't wanna swallow it (also obv so many things i react badly to), but that's where i think electrolytes or isotonic sports drinks come in handy, for emergencies

i actually miss running like crazy and i really fucking suffer from how much my body is failing me, but MDs will always act like the fact you're a young person with a lot of medical issues is personally victimizing them

then berate me for not currently doing any sports, which i was doing for months but had to stop because i *got covid* and if i develop LC because i didn't rest enough i *will kill myself*

i truly hate doctors just insisting that your pain disorder is definitely 100% psychosomatic when you have several diagnosed physical disorders that cause chronic pain !!! aaaaahhhh

like i convinced him to do it once more but who knows how long i can do this successfully 🙃

not my neurologist outright telling me he isn't going to prescribe my painkillers anymore because he, quote, "wants me to not take any painkillers" after i tell him my headaches are near daily and severely disabling now

YOU - Johnny Law is about to tear it up. Sad-style.

the only people in-universe who understand severance are burt and irving, change my mind

maybe i'm too mentally ill for severance but i have exactly zero respect for that weird idea that your severed state is their own person. do you not know what a fucking alter is my guy because that's still you. christ even the substance got this right

stock up on electrolytes or if there's any meal-replacement shakes you like, those also work well. your brain needs sugar and minerals to work and it's probably taking too long to extract it from the pb & sammy

bless you 🙏🏻

please i desperately need the link

finding out the bbc had claimed to edit out all swear words and bafta sat john davidson close to a live microphone just adds a whole new layer of fucked: variety.com/2026/film/aw...

it can genuinely be harmful to have that expectation placed upon you for something out of your control. it's a really tricky thing bc an apology might be appropriate, yet the expectation can still be damaging. idk how he experiences this, but would generally warn against demanding this publicly

4. there's a difference between apologizing for things that are symptoms, and being expected to apologize for things that are symptoms. again, i think his statement was an apology, while also understandably emphasizing that his tics aren't who he is, but even if you don't think that —

beachler was pretty clear that she isn't assigning blame to him, but that the word still does harm and the statement cumming read was minimizing. of course it's an emotionally impossible situation right now, but i think it could've been a lot less impossible if there had been proper accommodations!