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Turtle D. Magnum

@turtlemagnum

he/they/it, writer, Legal Adult, purveyor of the winds of change

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17.08.2023
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Latest posts by Turtle D. Magnum @turtlemagnum

that's it's own thing, i'm pretty sure this finding love in the metaverse thing was supposed to be like. finding other people who use the metaverse???? but yeah i've also seen ads for AI girlfriends. i may be lonely, but i'll never stoop that low

09.03.2026 19:17 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

BISEXUAL ORC BOY WOULD LIKE TO SAY "

hi''

09.03.2026 19:12 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

The Source Base SDK 2007 Fucked My Dog & Killed My Wife, As It Is Want To Do

09.03.2026 19:12 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

When Will Vlave Listne 2 Fans & Create: The STeam Deck With AAA Sexond Screend

09.03.2026 19:11 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

if femdom is when a woman doms you what does that make nerddom

09.03.2026 19:07 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

honestly it's kinda quaint how many people thought 2016 was the worst year ever predominantly because of the celebrity deaths and the "killer" clowns that never actually killed anyone. how little we knew of what was to come.....

09.03.2026 19:06 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

the streets have this "knew drug's" that they're calling "sausage & cherry coke", it'll knock you out for at least an hour

09.03.2026 19:05 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

im somehow less interested in the convolutions of dril's mind so much as i am interested in how many posters of his tier have gone unnoticed and died working a job at walmart

09.03.2026 19:04 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

the other night i got an ad for 'finding love in the metaverse' and frankly i think i'd sooner kill myself than e-date in the fucking zuck dimension

09.03.2026 19:04 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

yeah, though not that it'd matter because she'd just fucking kill you whether or not you even tried. though, for a lot of tumblr users, that'd also probably be hot to them. a lot of eroticizing the grotesque going on over there. kinda freaks me out sometimes, ngl. im nobody to judge, though

09.03.2026 19:03 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

you'd do really well in my homeland of tumblr, monsterfucking is a cultural staple over there. people out here wanting to fuck xenomorphs makes me feel a lot more normal for finding orcs hot y'know

09.03.2026 18:47 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Baby Bear Mansion 3D

01.03.2026 22:25 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

running over every man i see in GTAV because i'd feel too bad running over the women but i still wanna run people over

01.03.2026 22:25 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
the other day i was stopped at a light with a jeep with a rear window sticker that said "Just a girl that loves Jesus" and i internally groaned at it and then when the light changed and we were going she'd drive literally in the middle of the road on a two lane road. like there were the two yellow lines, the ones that mean "you can't fucking pass these", and she drove with them between her left and right wheels. there was a cop like a car or two ahead of the lady and they didn't do anything. i still don't know what the fuck was going on with that situation

i also saw a car with a vanity plate that said "I LV JES" and they also had jesus merch on the back of their car, and as such you can assume that it meant "I LOVE JESUS" but i just think that's a very funny vanity plate to have. it reads like an illiterate ogre writing for the first time being taught by like a catholic monk or something

the other day i was stopped at a light with a jeep with a rear window sticker that said "Just a girl that loves Jesus" and i internally groaned at it and then when the light changed and we were going she'd drive literally in the middle of the road on a two lane road. like there were the two yellow lines, the ones that mean "you can't fucking pass these", and she drove with them between her left and right wheels. there was a cop like a car or two ahead of the lady and they didn't do anything. i still don't know what the fuck was going on with that situation i also saw a car with a vanity plate that said "I LV JES" and they also had jesus merch on the back of their car, and as such you can assume that it meant "I LOVE JESUS" but i just think that's a very funny vanity plate to have. it reads like an illiterate ogre writing for the first time being taught by like a catholic monk or something

01.03.2026 22:23 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

student teacher? i mean fuck man they sure do

01.03.2026 22:22 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

the next sony console will be the playstation 2, 2. they said that they want to "revisit their biggest success" and return to standard definition tricknology

01.03.2026 22:21 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Rememberr, to be a Shining Kindboy, insterd of a Menaecing Vileboy

01.03.2026 22:21 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

so do you think the wendy's mario maker levels were intentionally bad as like a rage marketing sorta thing or do you think they were bad because they had some unpaid intern who doesn't give a shit make them

01.03.2026 22:18 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

gaijin buu

01.03.2026 22:18 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

sometimes i think about that one panel of yugi's grandpa where he's built like a fucking jojo character, implying that the only reason yugi is short and scrawny is that he's like 14 and that boy's due for an absolutely life changing growth spurt

01.03.2026 22:15 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

i believe it's andrei? i forget where it's stated but i think it might've been in his boss health bar or something

01.03.2026 00:45 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

least make up original conspiracy garbage??? like seriously, you expect me to believe that the lore to an edgy vampire game i played with my goth friends back in the 90s was real???" it'd be like if somebody tried to recount the events of metal gear solid as a real historical event

01.03.2026 00:42 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

absolutely unserious. like imagine if a conspiracy theorist in real life actually uncovered the fact that the camarilla and the clans and stuff is real and tried telling people that. nobody would take them seriously. people who know about vtm would go "dude, that's just the lore for vtm. can you at

01.03.2026 00:42 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

i've actually had an idea for a vtm story from the perspective of a main character who's at least somewhat familiar with vtm lore e.g. has played bloodlines and such, because i think it'd be very funny for vtm as a franchise to be a camarilla inside job to make anybody who finds out the truth sound

01.03.2026 00:42 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

vtmb's final bossfights are some of the worst i've seen in any game ever, i honestly didn't feel bad in the slightest for just using console commands. vtmb is a source game too so i already knew the most important ones!

01.03.2026 00:36 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

as seers and such, they're not taken as seriously these days but back in the times of ancient rome malkavians were influential enough in the proto-camarilla structure that controlled rome that they were pretty much second only to the ventrue. i;'mn rambling. oh well!

01.03.2026 00:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

from a historical standpoint, madness was often seen as giving the mad a kind of supernatural clarity/clairvoyance, and malkavians play off of this in a very interesting way imo given how they literally are clairvoyant in a lot of ways. in vampire games set in premodern times they're often treated

01.03.2026 00:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

i've also seen some people theorize that taxi driver "caine" is actually just a malkavian fully convinced he's caine and since malkavians have a sort of collective unconscious deal going on with other malkavians you pick up "this guy thinks he's caine" and believe it

01.03.2026 00:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

the strongest bit of evidence of him being caine actually just comes from the game files, where if you dig through the folders for the voicelines all of his are in a folder named "caine". in terms of in game shit it's a lot more ambiguous than that

01.03.2026 00:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

it's kinda obtuse but it's implied that this is when the malkavian fledgling realizes that the taxi driver is actually caine, and to be fair if you're trapped in a speeding car with the most ancient and powerful vampire to ever walk the earth it might freak you out a bit too

01.03.2026 00:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0