Conway's Guy of Wife 🐀💨

me in 2050: doctor my nutritional gummy gave me covid 4
doctorbot (alpha) via ZMAIL ver 3: Kill you are self

Dilb' I Do That ?!?!!

Dilb' I Do That ?!?!!

My one prediction about Trump's health is that somehow Hillary Clinton will die before him

Your DoorDasher, DaNudeUrinator, is on the way with your order.

finding out someone isn’t into you should be a relief. some people don’t learn that until they’ve been married to that person for 30 years

Oh no. What's happening now

Crossing out "Class of 2009" and writing "Nightmare Blunt Rotation" under it instead

Today, we at Google have a new product: what if you could could ask an app a question? Oh, we do that already? Well, what if we were a little bit worse at it? What if we also sometimes gave you egregiously wrong information? And what if it cost a billion dollars? Still not interested? It's mandatory

Nearly everything is

HitchBOT, the hitchhiking robot, gets beheaded in Philadelphia

Also very notable view of tech

@yourkickstartersucks.com didn't you pretty much literally have this? the app, i mean, not the sex. haha! unless...

what's the German compound word for the sensation where you think strangers you see in your social media timeline is the surprise return of a podcaster who disappeared 15 years ago, coming back to tell everyone their vanishing was an elaborate joke

i need to set up an AWS style status page for all my body parts

Yooooooooo

Both the past and the future are actually none of my business

I too am sick of being purchase-policed on websites when I'm just trying to goof around

me when I

On a recent episode of @yourkickstartersucks.com JF described himself as "the greasiest, nastiest treat pig you will ever meet" and I have never identified with someone more.

Saaaaame

You can now drink mayonnaise and jelly, and eat pickles

i don't really have enough things to say for two social medias

BABYYY

How'd I catch a stray here? ROFL. Don't think I've been on here enough to block anyone so they musta done me 😩

Thank you for your service, genuinely

I'm blocked what it say

You can find explicit bigotry all over the place on twitter every single day, but this- THIS- is the tweet that got my 15-year-old twitter account permanently banned