it is really quite insane that im having such a terrible time like truly indescribable anxiety constantly to the point where i'm physically sick but theres that lil part of me thinking Hell Yea Rapid Weight Loss !
i broke up w my partner of almost 2 years who i moved across the world for, and it was such a brutal experience i just lost my appetite completely which has never happened to me before. i just dont think of food and dont want to eat anything. well i lost 4kg in 2 weeks so swings n roundabouts ig
there are so many tiny challenges every single day n they always pile up. ofc, being stared at for looking different. having to speak a different language and having an accent and making grammar mistakes (or secondguessing urself constantly) and not getting the references and not fitting the customs
being an 1mmigrant when u have depression is so horrible because i just want to be home. my real home. i mean even when im at my best here it just never feels like a place that can really truly understand me. i have 4utism anyw so i always feel like a fuckin weirdo but this adds an extra layer :(
but its ok because if i did have that food i wld still have this same awful feeling but i'd also have the added guilt so like this is the better of two evils i spose lolol
my partner said to me today that it seems like ive been on the verge of tears constantly for the past 3 weeks and its like yea. thats what havin an ed does. nothing happened im legit just thinking abt food i want but cant have. 24/7. n its so so draining
shit man all i think about is food. i'm so tired tbh
rosemary's baby it's such a fave it is just ugh. fantastic. very feminist also which is always nice to see for a film from the 60s. and omg i hadnt even heard of it somehow, but during oct i try to watch a horror film every other day so i will definitely check it out this week...... thank u sm !!!!!
also some of these r very well known bc im not sure how into horror u are, if u wanted more niche ones i can share those :D
i really like horror films lol if u enjoy these and want more i can give some :3 if u have any triggers u can lmk as many of these can, ofc, have some pretty disturbing themes !
fun/silly: ready or not, WWDITYS, evil dead 2, the fly, shawn of the dead, american psycho, the return of the living dead
classics that hold up: psycho, rosemary's baby, hellraiser, the exorcist, alien, halloween, carrie
not english-speaking: the wailing, ring (1988), perfect blue, suspiria, oldboy
now october is here i feel so motivated to start goin to the gym again idk new months feel so nice like a clean start. which is very needed bc i flopped SO hard in sept i went literally Once in the whole month thats so embarrassing 😭 anyway..
my lil flex this week is that i got 98/100 on my japanese exam (the highest in my class by a whole lot) i'm so happy.. deserved tbh i studied an insane amount
it to ever use the bathroom as well.. tbh i just have a rly weird thing abt having a "true" starting weight for the first of every month so i thought this wld help but after this i think i'd rather just Not 😭 idk. also yea im trying to drink lots of water TY FOR REMINDER TO REHYDRATE!! <33
akghdk yeahh the same happened to me i was like omfg this is way worse than i expected but then once an hour passed i was like Hmm... idk once its properly over it doesnt feel that bad looking back? but yeah i dont wanna veer into using it much, i heard if u do it too much u basically need to take -
omg!!! it's SO good one of the best slice of life EVER imo... its v slow and character driven but if ur into that them im sure ur gonna love it it's so silly and funny and cute
aww thank u it's okay i'm sure i will find smth else soon enough :3
k4gami from lucky st4r!! she is an icon <3333
actually, 2 of my all-time favs are both constantly (like CONSTANTLY) fretting abt their weight AND constantly fighting a battle bc they love snacks and sweets adkghdf it's even in k4gami's main bio
the second any anime character mentions dieting or weight insecurity i just know. THAT one that's my favourite right there. just like me.......
i was fine all day until i wasn't and then i literallt felt like i was going to die LMAO those cramps cld rival my worst period EASILY. horrible horrible
also i found out my fav safe food (50cal ice lolly thats sooo sweet n delicious) is actually produced by n3stle and i'm unreasonably sad abt it ;; ofc i'll never buy it again but its quite hard to find a replacement here so i'm :(
today i took lax for the first time and yea um. Do Not Recommend
which is really funny and ironic when u think abt it. local girl truly genuinely believes she's thriving when she's Actively Getting Worse
just an overall feeling of put-togetherness(?) that makes me feel like im thriving
not sure why but when im successfully losing im sm better at keeping up w my studies
eee ikr :3 im basically overweight so it comes off pretty quickly atm ;v; it will surely slow down but rn the pure dopamine of Number Go Down....... unrivalled truly
basically right on target bc i wanted to lose 5kg !! <3
i am locked in af i lost 2.4kg this month so far hehehe
just as i started feeling hungry i got the notif that my jírai coord will be here v soon sdlkjsdkjf best motivation
