Ryu

Such thinspo, omfg, I want to look like you soso badly

Still not dead, but rather gained weight. I just wish my family wouldnt check up on me. Please, I am a legal adult now, Youre making me not just feel even fatter by forcing me to eat every day. I was down to 59kg once, now I’m at 63kg or something. Some of it is water and food weight but still.

I just want to... But it'd be a bother to my parents, and my family... I can't, not here, not now, I want to go more peacefully. I can't die now, not if that'd meant that I'd die in this ugly body. I just need to get through tomorrow. One day after another. And maybe it'll get better.

...why am I still alive. Still here.

I am so fucking useless and too lazy to do anything about it I hate my worthless live but am too lazy to end it I am stuck in a spiral of self made misery and I didn't sleep all night either I am stressed and I am not enjoying this at all

I really want to commit, honestly I'm thankful my brain is so perfectionist though, because I couldn't handle having an unsatisfying death. In my mind the date would need to have a meaning, the clothes, I would have to do so many preparations... and I'm too tired for all that so I won't die soon.

Im sorry I was gone for a little bit, I was (still am) in a situation where I am forced to eat three full meals every day until I am completely full. I didn't know if being active on edsky would make me feel worse about it. I gained almost 3 kg. (I'm too tired to convert) And I just feel horrible.

Not to be like „my steak is too juicy and my lobster too buttery“, but I’m on the smallest possible wristband tightening rn and if when the circumference of my wrists decreases any more my fitness watch won’t fit anymore. Idk this situation is stressing me out…

A Minor interacted.. how do I react I’m scared… do I block?…

Can my neighbor please stop blasting right-wing rock and just blow his brains out for fucks sake?

Guess who just opened a Domaine Combier Crozes-Hermitage, two hours after posting how ashamed he is of his alcohol consumption. Shame on me honestly. And I could’ve really let this bottle age for a bit longer, even though it does drink well young… anyways, I’m really frustrated with myself rn.

Im an alcoholic since 14 and I’m heavily embaressed about that fact. It’s so pathetic. I’m so pathetic. But I can’t afford taking care of my addiction right now, I’m too stressed with everything else.

By the way, since I’m not at my parents apartment but rather with relatives I am now forced to eat three full meals a day, and they make sure I do. Well, not forced forced but it’s more than expected of me and they’re putting in extra effort just for me, but still… it just makes me feel so bad.

Yeah I’m fine, it really pulled me back into reality though. I spent the last few hours just thinking about life and death, the purpose of life and all that- We all are so fragile, and everything could just simply be gone from one moment to another… I don’t know how to feel about that.

Oh well there was an ambulance, I didn’t see any police though. But yeah the person was clearly dead. I didn’t see them from up close, so it’s not too bad for me, sadly I’m really desensitized to this stuff anyway.

I just saw a corpse omw to the train station. I’ve seen plenty of dead people already, but only a few times in real life.

How to handle getting transphopic Shit thrown at you? I mean it wasn’t even that bad but idk- I just hate being trans omfg I just want to be perceived as normal, or be quick-witted or just not give a shit, or simply be an actual man. Smth I’ll probably never be. I hate my fucking life.

*how… god I really am untalented, how am I only noticing 3 hours later??

Cow can someone he be as untalented as I am?? How am I this stupid? I’m really nothing but an absolute disappointment.

I fucking hate my life, I really should just die, I’m so fucking useless and good for nothing

Im gonna be late for school because my train had like 20 minutes of delay…
I hate getting in trouble, why cant this train just be on time?

Wdym there are hidden heel platform boots that make you 22cm taller...

Will I ever stop being ugly?? Genuinely

I talked with my teacher about everything that bothers me right now (school, home, my looks, my sensitivity for noises n how that bothers me), and now idk if I should feel better or worse. I need to stop bothering people with my stupid issues. And I cried in front if him again… god I hate myself.

Omg yes that too, it pushed the prices so high 💔 I just wanna enjoy my weird lil chocolate in peace please leave me alone with your capitalist needs to make money out of everything that suddenly becomes trendy

Like nowadays I get these looks when I buy pistachio chocolate, now people think I’m a trendhopper or some shit pleaseeee nooo 💔

I already liked pistachio filled chocolate BEFORE the Dubai chocolate trend existed back when people still called it weird 💔 (I mean to be fair the concept of Dubai chocolate is gen tasty, especially because I like pistachio anyway, but the insane hype around it just made it weird 🥀)

Puzzle is such a fun word actually, I never thought abt that

Okay so it’s gotten so bad at home that I am packing my things rn. As I said, I’m not yet graduated and I don’t have time for a job or to earn my own money, or else I wouldve moved into my own apartment a long time ago. But I can stay at a relatives place for now, it’s only one hour away with train.