greenhorn footpad

weedwhacking a lump of plastic trash and spinning up a toxic particulate cloud and bending it to my sick will

i’m doing a complex martial dance around the whole foods hot bar until i sense an opening

$10 Spaghetti Dinner

My DamnAss Salad

is this Demilich 😭

Thanks 4: The Heads Up

fridge is milk’s cold home

Ian K Who Made The Best Pastrami The Hat Or Oinkster. ?

it’s cool how fencers say ‘on god’ before they fight

starling (seth rogen): if you could take this survey that would be so awesome. i could get out of your hair before this guy's done jacking off.

hannibal lecter (danny mcbride): motherfucker that's miggs. me and him are boys, so you better watch yourself. i'm behind this glass cause i ate some dudes

The Dang Hominid

blurry video footage of six guys in encapsulated HAZMAT suits squeezing a dead alien’s guts out like toothpaste would fix me

an alien grabbed me in my sleep last night

cassowary eating human meat video

COLLEAGUE: Ope, here comes Happy Arthur now.

ME: Wass bappin Art!

HAPPY ARTHUR: 😃😃😃😃😃😃

i’ll hit the juckport $1 trillion 🔜

it’s so worm out 😃

Went to an illegal zoo that had people in it (invite only) and they were all pacing back and forth like they hated being in an enclosure Lmfao

yanking my rat in the med bed

cilian murphy gun to head thing but its symmetrical so hes dual wieling

when bae stops texting back so you pull by her crib and there’s a Greenvan parked out front

If Pitchfork hasn’t given your work a 5.9 at some point, I don’t trust you!

that’s just Avuncular Bob

let’s hoist

he loves that fuckass hat 😭

i’ll wake 🆙 🔜

my health and power are increasing 😃

i’ll have my soup 🔜

Bob is someone's uncle