the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome
10.03.2026 11:58
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It’s the time of year again for "spring cleaning." Which is a scam invented by people with too much closet space.
—My philosophy is: if the dust bunnies don't have its own zip code, it's not a problem.
10.03.2026 12:50
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📌 0
Are we voting for the new head of bluesky?
10.03.2026 11:53
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🔁 10
💬 7
📌 0
Remember when the biggest concern was the price of eggs? Good times.
10.03.2026 13:15
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🔁 5
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Most of your pet pictures are better looking than your selfies.
10.03.2026 12:52
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Someone posts for attention?
Give them attention.
Move on.
Protect your blood pressure. We’re too old for this shit.
10.03.2026 09:07
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More daylight, darker sunglasses.
08.03.2026 06:06
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I remember about 20 years ago, talking on the phone with my best friend for hours about nothing.... that sounds like a for real nightmare now.
08.03.2026 14:05
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💬 4
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It's Women's Day, the day when every man assures the world we can't mean him as he's one of the good guys.
08.03.2026 05:25
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I bet you didn’t know your favorite toy as a kid says a lot about who you are today
06.03.2026 14:11
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Single-panel cartoon by Tom Toro.
Two men sit in a book-lined study. The older one says:
"Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it. Yet those who do study history are doomed to stand by helplessly while everyone else repeats it."
01.03.2026 18:12
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The best way to avoid an expensive divorce is by not getting married in the first place.
Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don’t want you to know.
03.03.2026 14:07
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Trying to believe that people have a higher standard. The par is low.
01.03.2026 17:49
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📌 0
I don't mind getting the silent treatment as long as it's constructive
28.02.2026 20:50
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*world on fire
me: do you prefer the white or green mint chocolate chip ice cream?
03.03.2026 04:37
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Do soft blocks work here yet? asking for a friend
03.03.2026 05:26
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🫂🫂
03.03.2026 15:48
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Actually i prefer mic drops over nuke drops.
01.03.2026 07:25
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So tired of reading about how clean-living Gen Z is abandoning alcohol.
Put down your booze industry sob-story freebie and go into a liquor store. No one, particularly not the young, can afford to drink anymore.
25.02.2026 11:23
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Thanks for the invite, but I already have plans to set myself on fire.
20.02.2026 22:18
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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Be my Valentine. Oh no, not you.
13.02.2026 21:27
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I’d like to think the crossing guard is waving only at me, but in my heart of hearts I know he’s waving at other drivers too
13.02.2026 23:49
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We're all traumatized by something it's how we juggle the feelings and anger is what matters..
13.02.2026 03:01
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Humans are social animals.
But what if we’re not?
06.02.2026 19:32
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You complete me!
~ me to my lucky potato as I gently kiss it goodnight and tuck it back under my pillow
13.02.2026 14:25
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Of course I'm watching a Friday the 13th marathon.
13.02.2026 18:10
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A gentle reminder about the "celebrities" or "personalities" who only exist online, and if you ever mention them to anyone who is not heavily into social media, they are like "Who the fuck is that fool?"
13.02.2026 18:10
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Might fuck around and put some emojis in my bio
12.02.2026 14:50
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Me *Entering the afterlife* Oh fuck, there's more!
13.02.2026 20:26
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I miss the pre-AI internet.
13.02.2026 20:30
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📌 0
