i had a lovely holiday in London and now i have free lounge access and on Sunday I’m going to ride sidesaddle for the first time and at the end of the month i start my new job and everything really does feel like it’s all coming up Em
witch hat anime trailer olly va announcement AND A JOB OFFER LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO
can't stop thinking about how friends really decided my top 5 favorite movies with total accuracy. *I* didn't even know my top 5 movies like they did. makes me want to cry a bit, in a way,
seems really fucked up that the moment i think "i'm probably aromantic" all i get are posts being 'chronically single' and 'a third wheel to your friends' as if i'm not having enough problems coming to terms with being Alone for the next 30+ years
i thought that since i spent this valentines day at an anime convention i could escape the "broken wrong alone" feelings but. nope.
"maybe I'll use the snow day to finally watch frieren" i say, knowing full well i am a liar
genuinely the rope i am holding on by is very thin and fraying rapidly and if i don't get this then i genuinely might do something drastic i can NOT stay in this fucking job another minute
please accept me i promise i know how to do costume and museum stuff i just needed health insurance in the meantime because NOBODY IS HIRING MUSEUM STAFF ANYMORE
there are exercises in futility and then there's "writing a fellowship cover letter when i haven't done the thing since i graduated 5 years ago"
mental health status: looking at groom job postings again
i’m never able to see my friends and i’m never able to cook my own meals and i live in hotel rooms and i really hate every single minute of it-
i wanted 2026 to be different but i still have this terrible job and i’m so lonely and i hate my life no matter what I do or how much seltzer water i buy
like legitimately why am I hoping it’s the flu and I get super super sick just so I can actually take a sick day for once
once again i ask: what's the point of having 50 hours of sick time if i'm never able to actually USE any of it!!!
update: it was the first thing
am i exceptionally unhireable and cursed to stay in my dead-end soul sucking job until i inevitably die to a government caused plane crash or is it just the first day of my period
mother asking what i want to do for my ******** and then trying to get out of it by saying "i know you don't like to make a big deal out of it....."
the worst part about being [gestures to All Of Me] is that i know i'm never going to get married and i'll never have my dad walk me down the aisle even though i have the PERFECT song picked out for it
getting sympathy points at work is great and all but i am in all honestly a little pissed that the nature of job means i can't take a random sick day without causing MASSIVE problems. man i really could have used a sick day today!!!!
i don’t want to seem dramatic or worry anyone but my god i hate my life and really want to [redacted]
i miss my friends :( i miss being able to hang out with them :(
i'm still emotional like. my job truly tests the limit of of my patience BUT sometimes i get to see a Flow Naruto concert for cheap while my company pays for my hotel and all my meals and my airfare. and suddenly all the shit i went through in middle school was worth it.
i was so nervous about going to a concert by myself but i ended up having the absolute time of my life. like all my little 12 year old trauma is healed. that was the best night of my life.
that was the best night of my life. nights like that are why I try to make adult money. I’m going to cry.
it has been ONE WEEK since I started witch hat atelier and I have already completely caught up, started a playlist for it, AND I just started tearing up thinking about it. talk about a speedrun.
*grits teeth* I can’t quit this job without another lined up, I can’t quit this job without another lined up, I can’t-
listening to the Bright Sessions epilogue and legit just burst into tears when she said Caleb and Adam were married
oh it’s nearly time for my Yearly Fic Reread….. I have a feeling this year it is going to hit stupidly hard but I do crave that emotional release
Again, I know in the telling it sounds like I was on top of this situation but really, I was still just thinking, Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
man I need to start writing again. i’ve got too much crazy in my brain, got to get it out somehow
