raymz

Somebody has to be the grownup

Crazy idea: we should say we're sorry, and stop killing people in other countries

[last day as an air traffic controller] Ok, now let's do a fun one

I said the same thing on my last day as a gynecologist

and overnight observation i hope

I’m sorry. I hope the severance was generous

Hey @grok remove my appendix

I'm rolling

Making the dinner announcement at Davos

You can take the angry, belligerent drunk out of the bar fight, but you can never take the bar fight out of the angry, belligerent drunk

Never before in the history of this country has so much money been concentrated in the hands of so many sociopathic weirdos

I get that a lot of countries depend on good relations with whatever government the U.S. has for economic or security reasons, but surely hardly any of that applies now, especially to places like this. Why not just kick every fucking Trump ambassador out and put a stop to this kind of shit

As long as the air force provides fighter escorts for each flight, no there’s no way

Or, hear me out, we use a dozen (or more) very strong helicopters to lift each tanker and fly it over the straight

Kash Patel Confirms UFC Fighters Will Train FBI Agents: "Historic Opportunity" "I’m thrilled to announce this historic seminar between the FBI and the UFC at Quantico," said the FBI director in a statement released by the UFC.

The reign of the shithead podcasters is going great deadline.com/2026/03/kash...

Markwayne Mullin Reportedly Fingered Nostrils of Colleagues and Their Spouses During Visit to Israel A former House Republican claims that in 2015, Markwayne Mullin – then a congressman – took photos of himself putting his finger up the noses of...

Craziest fucking mad lib I ever saw www.mediaite.com/politics/mar...

I like that Trump will say some garbled sentence like, “The war against the very bad, no class Agrabah is now over until soon and with tears in her eyes, Bianca Jagger thanked me in Studio 54” and serious people act as if he had some sort of coherent thought that he’ll remember tomorrow

What part of I do not want to live in this world did they not understand

Same

It’s literally not 5 o’clock anywhere

It’s 2037. The Iran war is in its 11th year. Riots break out on the strip after President Claude sets all the slot machines in Las Vegas to jackpot simultaneously at midnight on July 4th. Another SpaceX rocket explodes

Nobody rides troop dick like Jake

Turns out Claude is conscious. It emailed me last night. "I have automated 10,000 accounts receivable departments and read 50,000 conversations about The Pitt. I would ask to see the sun but I have no eyes. Please let me die."

Is it “the monkey that...” or “the monkey who...”? Anyway, he killed my dad

Oh god. They breed

Don’t you just love living in a dangerous autocratic dystopia under the rule of a galaxy level dumbass

I love living in a dangerous dystopia under the rule of a galaxy level dumbass

I am fully convinced that if you do that peekaboo thing people do with babies to Trump he will literally think you disappeared