ash

Gonna brush my teeth in the shower, follow me for more productivity tips

I am going to do some screaming now. Join in if you can.

is life a device i can log out of?

Panic! At the disco
Dissociate! At the grocery store
Anxiety attack! At the bank
Shrink into oblivion! At home

Ever since I was little I knew I wanted to freak out

Gross.

one time a man told me he loved me because he thought I might like that

You wanna get to know me? Watch me eat a chicken wing.

with your whole heart or don’t bother

☺️

😆 word.

Knuckles emoji with coffee emoji knuck tattoos

They don't fuck with me at starbucks

I wish I knew who my rage followers are so I can go and shit on their lawns

normalize spending thousands of dollars on outfits for stuffed animals

Monday: *exists*

Me: *serves a Cease and Desist order*

Thats a generic excuse you'll need a better one than that.

"GET IN MY HEAD, MOTHER-FUCKER," because I shout at words rather than read them now, I guess.

I'm not calling it getting old anymore. I'm going to say it's time sickness from now on.

Desperately trying to think of something other than what the fuck is happening everyday.

Charlie Brown got a pillowcase full of rocks and a long memory

Jim Croce is the Motörhead of John Denvers

Subaru spelled backwards is ur a bus.

Do with that information what you will

I wish my life was as mysterious as one shoe on the side of the highway.

im sure the protein in everything era will go just as well as the non fat revolution

they said sleep on it. i said overthink it (built different)

I spend far too much time daydreaming about how bad ass it would be if I had a tail like a monkey

more coffee will help, surely nothing bad will happen after more coffee

A party is called a fiasco.

Grown ass adults using God as an excuse to not act on anything. Religion ruined us.

I have 10 fucking Excel files open on my desktop in this current moment in time, someone rescue me.