Matthew O'Connor

The light outside Finchley hospital took a funny turn on Friday.

What have we become? I popped into my local to meet friends for the game. Popped home quickly before the Arsenal vs. Chelsea kick-off to see if Helen fancied joining us. Sat down for a second. Woke up at 8pm. Wife, kids, friends, match, long gone. First thought was "Arg. Missed Antiques Roadshow".

Also, the researchers describe their study as conducted with X users. If they had the courage of their convictions, or understood statistical significance, they'd state the *actual* number of participating users. #FakeNews #ProtectOurTroops

WHY ARE YOU BULLYING US

Hi Victor - thanks. This place is clearly more civilised than the other one... The neurologist asked me to stare into a strobe light repeatedly as she increased the flash frequency. When I mentioned the irony of testing for epilepsy with a known epilepsy trigger, she told me that was the point!

FYI: not to scare anyone, but I attended my #EEG test having been informed that this would just monitor my brain activity. Afterwards, I was told that it's designed to attempt to induce an #epileptic fit, which would have been handy in advance. 48. hours later, I've mad brain fog and blurred vision.

Don't - it's only been 14 (average of both) years - you'll set me off again!

But zero tears. It wasn't as if Paul Scholes had retired.

TBH, I hide beneath the guise of maths/logic to excuse my hatred all things Bard, but I'm really just a Philistine and dread even images of The Globe and its impending Dull. So I was still getting over that during the final scene. Who knows, I may have caught a glimpse of what the fuss is all about?

Well that #Hamnet is a scream, eh? Paul Mescal is a weird, smug, grinning bag of lumpen thighs but 👌because Jessie Buckley, Max Richter's soundtrack, and the Zissou-esque ending.

Are you married to Nero?

HE ONLY WAY YOU CAN UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING THIS DOOR SHUT IS IF YOU OVERESTIMATE THE JOY OF CLEANING UP AFTER THE CAT HAS SHAT IN THE FUCKING BATH.

I need a trebuchet and an alibi.

Post a pic of the venue where you saw your first concert and the band or artist.

Hope your mum's on the mend, S!

She'd have made a formidable silk, Sean!

My grandmother and her sisters used to glide around family functions like they were on casters. I can still feel the fear as they silently sidled up behind me at a family get together having clocked Helen’s pregnant silhouette, to whisper at me in unison “So we’ll be buying some new hats, Matthew?”

You wouldn't have a go at my grandmother's eulogy by any chance? It currently reads like a roast and my uncles are going to kill me.

#moon MOOOOOON in #NW5

We can dream...

In the meantime, Happy new year to you and yours from a tipsy, incompetent shark x

Happy New Year from a tipsy shark.

Everything is wrong.

Alice just announced that it's the 10th anniversary of her #autism diagnosis. We were going to do a group high five before she added that it was also 10 years since her dyspraxia diagnosis so we thought better of it.

Introduced my 17yo to Hup over the summer. He's hooked. Enjoy!

She's right. We should start with the culture of TOTP presenters. Not sure where to send them, mind. The 1970's?

They get bigger, you know...

How strange! I'll look that up too because - without spoiling anything, I hope - while I really enjoyed it, my only complaint was (what I perceived to be) shonky CGI in a few scenes. A couple were sub-Starship-Troopers-sequels bad.

Plus, it's only 400km away and we all know what tricks you pull with those fancy lenses of yours.

Swear to God, that's the first time I've ever clicked on alt-text. And whether I did or didn't, you're ableist and [something about my human rights].

That's not Mojácar in the background, it it?

With you on Birdman. I think Pan's Labyrinth is a masterpiece, but I get that it divides people - most of whom know far more about film than I do. Have you seen Frankenstein yet?