Kilowog-core

In a Star Wars comic book panel, Princess Leia, in her Death Star rescue white dress, waits on the boarding ramp of the Falcon with an exasperated expression. A caption reads, "The internet laments that Star Wars, once a bastion of traditional western values, now casts women in rebellious, capable roles for the first time!" Leia shouts, "Wait, what??" Another caption reads, "Gone are the days when rugged masculine men rescued damsels who knew that a woman's proper place was at his..." Leia shouts, "What am I, chopped Baradan space liver? [censored] fake fans!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

I don't call people "fake fans" lightly, cuz I don't like gatekeepin' fandom. But these culture warrior Star Wars Theory BSers clearly ain't fans.

(Art sampled from "Classic Star Wars: A New Hope" Vol. 1 #2. Edits: Dialogue, captions.)

Three comic book panels featuring Killer Croc. In the first he looks deadpan serious. He says, "Here's a joke. Two capitalists walk into a bar." In the second panel, he is beating someone beneath him. He says, "Then three... four!" The third panel has a close-up of his face, complete with predatory, maniacal grin. He says, "Pretty soon ten capitalists have walked into the bar! Twenty capitalists! A hundred walk into that bar! And I still won't stop swingin'!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Just a harmless little joke!

Tell me some other harmless little jokes, poozers!

(Art sampled from "Poison Ivy" Vol. 1 #25 by Gretchen Felker-Martin, Atagun Ilhan, Déborah Villahoz, Arianna Turturro, Jessica Berbey, and Ben Abernathy. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel The Atom and Flash are standing next to a large machine with blissful grins on their faces. Atom says, "We've done it, Flash! This machine can virtually simulate any dog, with sizes from teacup to..." Flash pulls a lever, making the sound effect "CHONK!" The Atom says, "Yes, that!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

What's yer preferred size a' dog on the Teacup-ta-Chonk scale?

(Art sampled from "Batman/Superman: World's Finest" Vol. 1 #31 by Mark Waid, Adrián Gutiérrez, Tamra Bonvillan, Steve Wands, Paul Kaminski, and Chris Rosa. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel the two Flashes, Barry Allen and Wally West, are hugging. Barry grins and says, "I can't lose you kid. Not ever. Do you understand?" Wally says, "Hey, where's all this coming from? We don't have time for..." Barry says, "Shh. Shh. I would One More Day Iris for you in a second. That's my takeaway from this Knight Terrors thing." A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

I know DC's still makin' up fer disappearin' Wally back durin' New 52, but the end a' Knight Terrors mighta been overcompensatin' a bit.

(Art sampled from "Knight Terrors: The Flash" Vol. 1 #2. Edits: Dialogue.)

You're the one who took the label on yourself. If you aren't a Snyderbot, then why did you get upset?

IMO, Discovery started out good and got consistently better. It peaked in Season 4. Season 5 was a deliberate send-off, so it wasn't quite as good as Season 4 but was still great.

Oh dear. You can't talk without using slurs, and that means you never talk to me again.

... are you kidding? Jimmy Olsen has always been a playa. Read a comic book. And Eve subverted the sexist stereotype by being the smart one the whole time.

See, this is the kind of media illiteracy that makes it impossible to talk to you lot.

My hope is that without JJ Abrams pushing his mystery box nonsense Lindelof will do okay. But we'll see. So far everything in the DCU has been fantastic, but we'll see. If Lanterns is bad, though, it'll be very cruel given that Adams' run on Green Lantern is already so bad.

There is no Gunn cult. There is, however, a Christofascist cult that is trying to wage some sort of twisted "culture war" by hating things they are told to hate. Snyderbots are part of that.

Which I appreciate! I know a lot about comics, but I sure haven't read all of them.

Three comic book panels. In the first Insomnia, a white-skinned villain with glowing purple eyes and a glowing purple skull dressed all in black, is being attacked by the Justice League. Superman fires his heat vision, but Insomnia is unaffected. Superman says, "Oh laser-proof extra goth, tell us your wisdom!" Insomnia points at them and says, "We cannot vote in the revolution. Capitalists will never willingly accept it. They must either be intimidated or forced." In the final panel he stalks off, cradling the glowing skull. "The only way to do that is with an organized people. So organize! Now go! I wish to fornicate with my love skull!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Always use protection with the love skull.

(Art sampled from "Knight Terrors: Night's End" Vol. 1 #1 by Joshua Williamson, Howard Porter, Giuseppe Camuncoli, Stefano Nesi, Trevor Hairsine, Rain Beredo, Troy Peteri, and Ben Abernathy. Edits: Dialogue.)

A comic book panel shows a terrifying monster with sharp claws, a white exoskeleton, beady red eyes, and two fang-lined mouths that open sideways like mandibles. She says, "Why are you staring? Is it too much? It's the twin mouths, right? I knew it would be. The rest is great, the exoskeleton, the laser eyes, the razor claws, the visible brain, the abattoussy, but I said to myself girl, a second fang-filled maw is just offputting! Now I'll never make the cover of Modern Abomination! A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

See, it's a combination of abattoir and... nevermind.

(Art sampled from "Detective Comics" Vol. 1 #1088 by Ram V, Guillem March, Luis Guerrero, Ariana Maher, Jessica Berbey, Ben Meares, and Rob Levin. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel Wonder Woman is looking at the reader with shock, while Damian Wayne as Robin is looking at the reader with surprised disgust. Wonder Woman says, "Did you just say that immigrants were eating cats?" Damian says, "Don't engage, Wonder Woman. The ridiculous might be contagious." Wonder Woman says, "But this poor deluded soul is babbling complete nonsense!" Damian says, "Tt. That's cause it's a fascist." Wonder Woman says, "Oh! Yes, that makes sense. Let me grab my sword." A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Which utterly unhinged fascist nonsense story do ya' consider the silliest?

(Art sampled from "Absolute Power: Task Force VII" Vol. 1 #6 by Stephanie Williams, Khary Randolph, Alex Guimarães, Dave Sharpe, Brittany Holzherr, Kathleen Wisneski, and Paul Kaminski. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a Star Wars comic book panel See Threepio is talking to Artoo Deeto. Threepio says, "Oh Artoo, I fear we are all out of explosives with which to enliven the days of the local constabulary! We shall have to hide out in this fully stocked cantina!" Artoo emits a "Buu-weep!" sound effect. Threepio replies, "A what kind of cocktail?" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Artoo's got the know-how!

(Art sampled from "Classic Star Wars" Vol. 1 #1 by Archie Goodwin, Al Williamson, Steve Buccellato, and Anina Bennett. Edits: Enhanced art, vfx, dialogue.)

In a comic book panel Lobo, sporting a long and shaggy beard and wearing no shirt, stands in front of an alien hillside that has been gouged out by crooked lines. Two bent and wizened aliens dressed like frontier farmers look at him. One says, "But Lobo, the pandemic is over! You can shave your lockdown beard now!" Lobo says, "Th' main man don't shave his glorious beard just cuz some bastich in Washington says so! Feetal's gizz, there's still hundreds dyin' a day! I'm havin' ta' work non-stop just so it don't knock me off my perch as #1 deadliest bastich in the galaxy!" A caption reads "A Kilowog-core Edit".

There ain't reliable excess mortality rates no more, but I stand by the figures that were available when I made this meme in 2023.

(Art sampled from "Lobo Cancellation Special" Vol. 1 #1 by Kyle Starks, Kyle Hotz, Daniel Brown, Tom Napolitano, Arianna Turturro, and Rob Levin. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel Green Lanterns Kilowog and Guy Gardner are talking to a group of Green Lantern cadets while standing on a beautiful cliff overlooking a settlement. Kilowog says, "Especially in these tryin' times, when everythin' isolates us, try 'n get some time outside. It's more effective than you'd think. It helps balance the mind an' keeps despair at bay." A QR code is captioned "Edited by Kilowog-core".

How ya' doin' poozers? Ya' hydratin'? Takin' yer meds? Spendin' time outside?

(Art sampled from "Green Lantern Corps" Vol. 4 #12. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel Hal Jordan teleports into the sky behind Guy Gardner, both in their respective Green Lantern uniforms. Guy says, "I always choose my friends." hal says, "I'm touched. But also I'm just glad to be out of Jeremy Adams' book." Guy says, "Oh yeah, (censored) Jeremy Adams." Hal repeats, "(Censored) Jeremy Adams." A QR code is captioned "Edited by Kilowog-core".

There are writers I dislike, but there's only one that I want fired.

(Art sampled from "DC K.O. Vol. 1 #3 by Scott Snyder, Javi Fernandez, Alejandro Sánchez, Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou, Marquis Draper, and Paul Kaminski. Edits: Dialogue.)

Two comic book panels. In the first Jimmy Olsen, Superman's Pal, points accusingly at a pale, vampire-like figure while Clark Kent, the secret identity of Superman, stands beside Jimmy. Jimmy says, "I second Clark's motion! Now what's this all about? How do you work this gimmick and why?" The figure says, "You do have a certain charm, young man! But you try Dragorn's patience!" Jimmy says, "Did you hear that Clark?! A certain charm? What's that supposed to mean?" Clark answers quietly, "He means you're a hot twink, Jimmy." Then in a louder voice, "We know Jimmy's a hot twink! Answer the question!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Jimmy canonically being someone everyone falls fer is somethin' I'll always enjoy! What's yer favorite Jimmy romance?

(Art sampled from "Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen" Vol. 1 #142 by Jack Kirby, Vince Colletta, Murphy Anderson, John Costanza, and E. Nelson Bridwell. Edits: Art touch-up, Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel Batwoman, a.k.a. Kate Kane, in her Batwoman costume but with the cowl removed, carried a large book and stares intently forward. The book reads "Vampyre Bible, New Revised Draculan Version". Batwoman says, "Dark blessings. I'm from the First Evangelical Coven of Nosferatu. Are you sanguine in your exsanguination? I have some literaure..." A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

What? Nah, she ain't proselytizing humans! That'd be weird! Nah, she's tryin' ta convert other vampires!

(Art sampled from "Outsiders" Vol. 5 #10 by Jackson Lanzing, Collin Kelly, Robert Carey, Valentina Taddeo, Tom Napolitano, James Reid, Jessica Berbey, and Rob Lewis. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel the leaders of the alien Horizon, including Oo'Li's father, look down from a floating platform at Oo'Li. Her father says, "Silence! We now sit in judgment... eh? What's that? Oh! Stand in judgment over the entire earth! We have judged this planet and found it wanting! And so we have decided..." Oo'Li interrupts, "No father! I shall not allow you to conquer the Earth! For I have come to love this planet and it's people! Some of them carnally!" Her father says, "Wha... ew! TMI daughter! What is wrong with you? We're not conquering anything! Earth is just too boring, so we're finishing our vacation on Alpha Centauri! Seriously, with humans? Don't judge, it'll only drive her away..." A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Ta monsters, the monsters we love are the monsterlovers. Cuz we're the monsters ta them! Whoa!

(Art sampled from "Blue Beetle" Vol. 10 #11 by Josh Trujillo, Adrián Gutiérrez, Wil Quintana, Lucas Gattoni, Andrew Marino, and Katie Kubert. Edits: Dialogue.)

Two comic book panels from the Gotham by Gaslight universe circa the Victorian Era. In the first, Wonder Woman, dressed in ancient Greek-style armor, kneels like an ambassador before four men in parkas in an arctic icescape. She says, "Your civilization lies in peril-- and I do not know if it is within my power to save it. Yet if the fates so decree, my heart demands that I shall give my life in the attempt. This do I vow." In the next panel the men look incredulous. One says, "Wait. She's the one to save our civilization? Women don't have the upper body strength!" Another says, "Sounds like woke [censored] to me! Let's ignore the DEI hire!" A third says, "Burn the witch! Um, I mean, yeah, woke bad. Sorry, I got excited." A caption reads, "And so the world of man was destroyed, yet nothing of value was lost." A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Ya have ta save one thing from manosphere universe before it's destroyed! What is it?

(Art sampled from "Batman: Gotham by Gaslight: The Kryptonian Age" Vol. 1 #3. Edits: Dialogue, caption.)

In a comic book panel Raven of the Teen Titans, wearing more casual clothes including pentagram earrings, is confronted by a glowing golden angelic figure who appears with a "Tssshhh!" Raven says, "Oh Hecate dammit, again? Really? I am not interested in joining Christianity! Stop sending me these supernatural messengers! I'm in pentagram earrings, take the hint already!" The angel says, "Look, I'm not some street preacher, I'm a genuine angel from heaven and you--" Raven says, "Nope! Unsubscribe!" The angel says, "Curse you! For I cannot defeat your spam filter! But you cannot stay unsubscriven forever!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

How would ya' react if an angel showed up on yer doorstep?

(Art sampled from "Tales of the Titans" Vol. 1 #2 by Tini Howard, Eleonara Carlini, Lee Loughridge, Troy Peteri, Matthew Levine, and Paul Kaminski. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel, Superman, a.k.a. Jon Kent the son of Kal-El, grabs Injustice Hal Jordan in his Yellow Lantern suit in a choke hold and takes the ring off his finger. Jon scowls and says, "No! No ring for you until you get a better writer!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

At least Green Lantern Corps is well-written, even if Green Lantern still suffers under Jeremy Adams.

(Art sampled from "Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent" Vol. 1 #6 by Tom Taylor, Clayton Henry, Jordie Bellaire, Wes Abbott, Jillian Grant, and Paul Kaminski. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel set in a jungle, Batman leaps at Deadeye, dodging Deadeye's gunfire and punching Deadeye's jaw. Catwoman looks on. Batman shouts, "Catwoman!" Catwoman says, "No, I'm Catwoman, he's Deadeye! We're nothing alike, you jerk!" A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

Ya'd think he'd learn the difference! Catbat is a classic relationship, but whaddya think of it, poozers?

(Art sampled from "Batman" Vol. 3 #151 by Chip Zdarsky, Mike Hawthorne, Adriano Di Benedetto, Romulo Fajardo, Jr., Clayton Cowles, and Katie Kubert. Edits: Dialogue.)

A title card reads "Kilowog-core presents a Kilowog-core edit, The Jexorcist". Beneath is a comic book panel from a Star Wars comic. Luke, in his flight jacket, is facing off with an old silver-haired hag with gnarled, claw-like hands and fangs. Luke says, "It's worse than I feared! Vile demon, very image of decay, I abjure thee in the name of Yoda!" The woman says, "What the-- I'm not a Sith spirit! I'm the one who called you, jerk!"

A Jexorcist is a Jedi Exorcist, ya' see!

(Art sampled from "Classic Star Wars" Vol. 1 #18 by Archie Goodwin, Al Williamson, Ray Murtaugh, Allen Nunis, Matthew Hollingsworth, and Bob Cooper. Edits: Dialogue, caption.)

In a comic book panel The Ojo, a mysterious assassin wearing an oversized wide-brimmed hat and a poncho with military-style gold trim and wielding a bloody katana and wakizashi, has appeared ghost-like on a roof in front of a somewhat battered Bruce Wayne and Dr. Anna Zeller, a scientist with a white blouse that has been badly knicked and rumpled. The Ojo says, "I'm here to kill you for crimes against fashion! You dare to wear white after labor day?" Anna says, "That's an outdated rule that was never absolute to begin with!" The Ojo says, "You shall perish for your blasphemy!" Anna says, "At least I didn't try to make that hat work with that top!" a QR code is captioned, "Edited by Kilowog-core".

Where what ya' like, be what ya' like, screw the rules!

what's yer fashion style?

(Art sampled from "Batman" Vol. 4 #5 by Matt Fraction, Jorge Jiménez, Tomeu Morey, Clayton Cowles, Rob Levin, and Jessica Berbey. Edits: Dialogue.)

In a comic book panel Primer, a young teenage superheroine wearing a Batman T-shirt, grabs a glowing magenta mass which makes her ponytails begin to glow the same color. Her friend Violette is behind her, reaching forward while deeply concerned. Violette says, "No! Don't touch the Colour Out of Space!" Primer, scowling, says in a creepy font, "The colour... it burns... cold an' wet, but it burns... it lived in the well... I seen it..." A QR code is captioned "A Kilowog-core Edit."

Didja see the Nic Cage adaptation? It wuz good, though it still kinda throws me that the colour out of space wuz... magenta.

Annihilation wuz a better adaptation.

(Art sampled from "Primer: Clashing Colors" Vol. 1 #2. Edits: Dialogue, vfx.)

In a comic book panel an obviously distressed Superman, a.k.a. Jon Kent, is running his fingers nervously through his hair as he talks to Trinity. He says, "These are important issues, so I think about them a lot and do research and construct excellent arguments and keep an open mind... and they also think it's important, they're willing to do drastic things for their beliefs, but they just don't think about it! They care about it, but they don't think! So if I ever go all Injustice it's because I've been forced to argue about the value of human lives with a fascist." A QR code is captioned, "A Kilowog-core Edit".

It ain't that they lack the raw intelligence. It's that they lack the skills ta think critically, an' have no intention a' developin' 'em. They ain't born fascist. They become fascist through their own willful ignorance.

(Art sampled from "Wonder Woman" Vol. 6 #12. Edits: Dialogue.)

(Art sampled from "Superman" Vol. 2 #66 by Dan Jurgens, Brett Breeding, Glenn Whitmore, John Costanza, Mike Carlin, and Dan Thorsland. Edits: Dialogue.)
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