gold dynae-mo

Oh im like always stressed aaaaaa

these adhd meds are fucking me up i can barely eat anymore

my birthday is rapidly approaching this month and its making me unreasonably sad this year just thinking about it.

Today's a complete write off. I have a night shift but I cant sleep because its just nightmare after nightmare. Im so fucking tired man..

The all encompassing hate for myself is so strong this morning. I dont know how to stop. Got upset thinking about my name again and how I just cant find anything I like

but... horse money...

one single day off before im in for an 8 day slog i just hope i can be productive about it

Current mood be like

y'know what fucking sucks, is being medicated for my ADHD is fucking fantastic but i still cant get anything done because im exhausted from work. another overnighter got fired so im working 8 days in a row next week aaaaaaa 😭

I barely feel like im holding myself together some days and its getting harder and harder

I just hope and pray medication is gonna help because these wild downswings in mood are getting exhausting

I wish I knew how to not just be a colossal fuck up at every turn. I really just ruin everything

mmm bypassed....

Its just really really hard to stay positive right now. Ive got the forms and sent them back now but who knows how long they'll take to get to my doctor. ;w;

I have a kofi linked on my main accounts bio. Id prefer to earn money through art commissons but im just to emotionally drained rn

im starting to firmly believe that im not allowed anything nice in life, and when something good happens the universe finds a way to punish me in a creative way

I want company but instead I lash out and have to spend a shift at work alone with my thoughts. Deserved i guess

Im at work and its so hard not to cry right now

Im just a colossal fuckup and all I do is upset everyone around me

Why is it that every time so far ive tried to do something to help myself and I just get fucked over

If I wasnt such a lazy fuck and just made a goddamn phone call i would have been medicated as of today but its my own fucking fault for not chasing up the psychiatrist and now I want to kill myself because they haven't confirmed my diagnosis after all

i get the feeling today just... isnt gonna go well

Wow my valentines comms bombed like crazy... thank god I have savings to pull from but. Man. I thought they'd be cheap enough for people to be interested. ;w;

I wish I could find a name i like... nothing's sticking

i can invite you to stormcaller but its dead af, i guess if you're interested in my oc lore, there's channels for that

If u got any friends that wanna watch too idm being invited to a server and working out a time that works for people. I gotta try being more social too anyway

that being said i have no one to blame but myself for being a waste of oxygen. i wouldnt want to be anywhere near me either

im so lonely and sad i could just cry

tried offering to watch it with people in stormcaller but that server is dead dead i should probably just shut it down at this point

watching beginning of a new era again i guess because ive got nothing better to do with myself today

idk what the fuck is wrong with me but i just cant draw today and i really NEED to ;w;