Dwindling Minority of Voters Who Still Actually Believes Her Crap Eagerly Await Diane Benjamin’s Next Frothy Press Release About Literally Any Sex Crime, Especially If Its A Senior Leader Of A Very Right Wing Org Of Cent. IL & McL County Churches
Two adorable baby ducks both tilting their heads and facing the viewer.
McLean County Republican Party turns its outrage on dish soap company after local Influencer of Infinite Outrage Diane Benjamin mistakenly identifies two ducks in their commercial being in a same sex relationship.
From: ANTIFA Corporate HQ
To: Project DUMBASS Stakeholders
Re: Phase 17.3
Good news! Project DUMBASS (Division of Undercover Mockery, Bafflement, And Strategic Snark) rolls out this week.
Success signal: BN ANTIFA Shadow President Chuck Erickson will post another word-salad rant about “leftists.”
ANTIFA team: file your reimbursement paperwork before EOM so checks go out on time. Mr. Soros hates delays.
Also, don’t forget to check chemtrails & Portland protest signs for further instructions.
Blue team, don’t forget muffins for the staff meeting.
Illinois Democrats cheer on Republican gov candidate Bailey. “We look forward to funding and supporting his candidacy. Again.”
Governor Pritzker denied coughing into his hand and muttering “Loser” at the announcement.
In an effort to appease MAGA pushback, Unit 5 School Board President Alex Williams proposes a curriculum change to align with MAGA priorities. Math, Reading, and Science will now be replaced with Football, Bible Study, and Marriage Prep for pre-teen girls.
Recent polls show 70% of supporters of Charlie Kirk aren’t fans; they’re just avoiding getting fired or shot by his idiotic followers.
In the spirit of fairness, let’s acknowledge some truths: Charlie Kirk will be remembered both for defending the right to spew bigotry and for being a bigot himself.
Also Trump is on the Epstein list because he r*ped children
Balance achieved.
Hey everyone, Diane’s feelings were hurt.
Let’s be more sensitive to the feelings of irrelevant fascist outrage fanatics who can so smoothly pivot to aggrieved Pearl-clutching victimhood. It’s gotta be hard to be so be so offended all the time.
Thoughts and prayers I guess.
Local fascist hypocrite decries divisive dialogue, outs all my lovely followers to her comment section echo chamber of perpetual victimhood.
Local embodiment of Christ’s love provides hit list of neighbors people should fear and target, encourages unity.
Let us all remember the legacy of the recently murdered First Amendment advocate by firing and threatening anyone who shares his quotes, describes his life, or acknowledges his victims.
Thoughts and prayers.
Impressive work, WGLT. Of all the challenges facing our community, a single mom doing her job in elected office was clearly the most urgent crisis for your newsroom to tackle. Glad to see watchdog journalism alive and well.
An orange haired old man gleefully plays with toy soldiers atop a box labeled secret files.
Since we're making fake movie posters now...
Normal Mayor Chris Koos goes full-on Trump and boldly accuses County Board of wasting money on mental health. “They’ll feel better when they see our beautiful underpass. Some say it’ll be the best underpass ever.”
McGOP Announces Temporary Pause in Fear-Mongering for Labor Day
In a rare display of holiday spirit, the McGOP announced it will suspend its usual hysterical campaign of misinformation about teachers unions for exactly one day in order to march alongside educators in the annual Labor Day parade.
Bloomington Mayor Dan Brady: I don’t understand why people don’t trust local Republicans.
McLean County Republican Party: Your pediatrician is a communist and can’t be trusted but this guy who left a dead bear in Central Park says you should give your kids horse tranquilizer & apple cider vinegar.
Bloomington Mayor Dan Brady: I don’t understand why people don’t trust local Republicans.
McLean County Republican Party: Kids were shot while praying but the bigger problem is that one restaurant by the highway changed its logo.
Bloomington Mayor Dan Brady: I don’t understand why people don’t trust local Republicans.
McLean County Republicans: Democrats are forcing gender surgery on your children at school.
Bloomington Alderwoman Sheila Montney doubts your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Mayor Brady boldly straddles the fence and coddles his fascist base while lecturing progressives about needing to be a leader for all, including n**is.
Bloomington Alderwoman Sheila Montney and her parade of East Side NIMBY McMansion Dwellers achieve new levels of sanctimonius outrage at the possibilty of new residential development in their beloved adjacent cornfield.
“The housing crisis is a myth because I have a house and so do my neighbors.”
Congratulations to Bloomington Mayor Brady on his tireless outreach efforts to appeal to all voters! Your coddling of violent fascists
has really paid off.
Former President Lincoln's press office issued a surprise statement today in response to local Republican's claims that "LinCoLN wUz a rEpUbLiCuN juSt liKe mEh"
"Yeah, I ended enslavement and held the country together so Greg from the HOA could yell about immigrants at the school board meeting.
Local math still undefeated:
🏠 ‘I want my property values to stay artificially inflated!’
💸 ‘…but my property taxes better go down, way down.’
Translation: I want to own beachfront property in Malibu, pay 1992 prices, and complain when potholes don’t fix themselves. 😂
Unconfirmed reports of Mayor Chris Koos attempting to force choke the county board into submission. When asked for a response, Mayor Koos said, “I found their lack of faith disturbing.”
MAGA dumbasses when asked to respond to Gov Pritzker’s opposition to fascist authoritarianism: hAhA hE fat
Psst…MAGA folks…the government and the FBI just said there’s no Epstein list.
But you know the truth right? You’re not buying this crap are you?
So what’re you gonna do? You’re not gonna be a government stooge are ya? Are you sheeple or something?
Why are the cities and County all bickering with each other? Didn’t a bunch of them marry into a medieval alliance or something?
Pro tip: Texas residents monitor Senator Cruz’s vacation departures as an early warning system for disaster.
