hamster and tickle

JUST IN: Tesla Cybertruck explodes at the entrance to Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas

every single bit of news I’ve seen is that this guy had a surgery with an unpleasant aftermath that made him hate insurance companies making it the most obvious motive in human history but the news is going to go “I noticed at the end of this Sonic the Hedgehog game that he murders a scientist”

Hi friends!

I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.

The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.

@xiranjayzhao.bsky.social when iron widow came out I was able to get a signed copy at my local independent book store in Toronto... any chance you'll be sending us signed copies this time around? 💜👀

when we abolish gender can i keep the part where i get other people to deal with bugs for me? i like that part

Sleep paralysis occurs when the bacteria living in your brain gain temporary control over your motor functions.

That's terrifying.
patreon.com/lowqualityfa...

Kinda wild that have two degrees and a corporate job and can't afford an apartment with an Oven

having my monthly episode where i get sad about never having seen what my cat was like as a kitten

taking a shower is the cure to my adhd

a movie about trauma where the trauma is a metaphor for a weird monster who kills people

wanna bite my own hand off every time a coworker says/does some condescending shit I'm sure he would NEVER say to another man, but is not explicit enough to be called out

Some people are killed while others just die

tweet from @Remroum: Too many people only support Palestinians as victims. Talk about freedom, but want an occupied people to sit on their hands in perpetuity. Liberation isn't easy and resistance to oppression is often messy. Palestinians didn't ask for this, it was violently thrusted upon them.

so many of you making it clear that you only support palestine to the extent that palestinians remain victims

screenshot of a tumblr post by vamprisms. Text reads: science fiction as a genre was invented specifically to show lesbians some greasy sweaty women in tank tops fixing machinery

:^)

A coffee cup that says THE FUTURE IS but a sticker has cut off the rest, reading "reduced for quick sale $2"

The most accurate mug you could ever own but you could never wash it.

Highly detailed etching of dark grey lines on off-white paper depicting a shorthaired tabby cat curled up asleep on a cushion inside of a barn. The cat has its face adorably hidden under its front forepaws.

Very important to appreciate when they smoosh their little faces. 1940. www.ngv.vic.gov.au/explore/coll...

guys i need a little weekly activity. i will die without this

having a new hyperfixation fucking sucks. my chest is tight and my stomach feels weird all because i have to work my job instead of playing my new little videogame that im obsessed with

Meanwhile, Black families were barred from those suburbs, couldn't easily take advantage of GI Bill. New highways cut off Black neighborhoods from jobs & transportation. Starved of resources, Black marriage rates (which since emancipation had been higher than white marriage rates) dropped.

Post-war, the US government invested in housing (subsidizing race-restricted suburbs) education (GI Bill) & union protection (for largely white union membership). New Deal had massive investment in stability & corp tax rates were at highest levels. This all pumped white marriage rates!

Since my column, many critics have been sending me images & references to mid-20th c nuclear families as some sentimental/nostalgic ideal: but that was a big aberration, highest marriage rates in history of nation! Also entirely socially engineered thanks to... government handouts to white people!

just saw someone called Name, so I think they win the nonbinary olympics

i like telling people im poly bc they always have helpful and insightful questions that i hadn't thought about before like "don't you get jealous?" & "what if you get jealous?"

what is it about spicy hot wings that makes every celebrity 3x more charismatic like what is that

baby cause in the dark
you can't see shiny cars
that's when you need me there
i'll help you find your car

Two morticians observe a younger morticians applying make-up to a corpse. One of the two observing morticians says "the kid's new to the mortician business, but he seems enthusiastic. Hey! how's that make-up coming?" The kid presents his work and says "Voilà. It's Trixie Mattel!" The corpse has been made up to look like popular drag queen Trixie Mattel. The observing morticians stare at the kid's work in disbelief. One of them says "uh... I think the mourners may want something more... subtle." The kid says "right, right. Gotcha, chief." The kid present his work and says "Voilà! It's Katya!" The corpse is made up to look like popular drag queen Katya Zamolodchikova. The observing morticians look angry with the kid.

i hope he does it i've already made peace with the fact that twitter will be gone soon i just want to watch this blow up in his face

shana tova umetuka everyone

Twitter will soon introduce an auto-harrass feature, so you can save time by automating your harassment of those who post woke content.