chels

luckily i’m an unemployed broke ass bitch they couldn’t get money from if they wanted to! hell if i’m paying any of this

when the cost of your
life-saving care makes you wish
they fucking hadn’t

learning as evolution market
survey combines collective
floating intelligence tune in
drop out what if they gave a
war & nobody came instead
everyone comes for a bonus

along those rafters of his skin
i am barncat forgotten in back
& forth skeins of our laughter
how memory patinas as if old
coin all stretched lines & hard
economy o we claw at screen
doors but there's a window to
crawl in & rope aplenty g’head
look up a crossbeam’s winking

makes me look forward
to going home & being
upset by my mom

my door has opened
12 times so far tonight for
no goddamn reason

gonna write annoyed
haiku about it until
i fall back asleep

attentiveness &
kindness are not the same thing
paranoid night nurse

no by all means keep
waking me up to check if
i am still sleeping

just finished my final round of pt at the rehab hospital i’ve been at for the last 16 days & passed all my release markers

home tomorrow 🤞🏻

thank you my friend! 🥹🤍

the 11 broken ribs have been a real bitch but i’m extremely grateful there was no organ or head or neck/spine damage!

stitches came out of my 2 broken wrists this week & barring further complications i get to leave the rehab hospital & go home to my parents’ on tuesday

still no weight-bearing on my left ankle/foot & hands for 10 more weeks & the broken right hand’s gonna need extensive rehab

calling for pain meds
& mumblin ‘no one gets a
medal for suff’ring’

these thin anxieties &
inflamed emotions ten
sion headache already
started can i change m’
consciousness? cause
i’m cravin a brainburnt
hard chemical high like
i got voids tearing thru
me lately like my skin's
gone o like some other
thing like all lackluster
fuckin hiphop similes

art therapizing
myself with my bashed up hands
trying not to scream

a man in a wheelchair has a cast on his leg ALT: a man in a wheelchair has a cast on his leg

2 casts down
1 to go

have graduated
to semi-autonomy
with my wheelchair use

you think me strong but i
am just attached to a left
behind chair & held up by
a satin ribbon snagged on
an old painting nail in this
wall framed by sky i forgot
i visited it’s safe enough to
write uncut invested in the
history of how i got here &
listening t’songs in reverse

it is a fine line
between motivation &
soft condescension

fucking stop haunting my sleep you giant goddamn pussy baby i’ll give you something to cry about ykwim

guy across the hall from me at this rehab hospital spends any hour he can’t have pain meds yet moaning & doin this shuddering whimper/howling/exaggerated sighing about his broken hand & i am about to hop over there on my 1 working leg & poke him in the eye with my 1 usable finger

they got it all reattached last night! (delayed due to swelling) i’ve been taken very good care of

you & me both, my friend! it could have been so much worse & i am v grateful

bad car wreck on friday! 75mph into the left side barrier on i15 💀

not dead but 2 fractured wrists & a left foot that got basically snapped off at the ankle & 5 broken ribs on each side

feeling better today than i have since it happened & done with all the major repair surgeries 🤍

when empathy isn’t evenly
distributed the golden rule
is less moral guide & more
snare for the kind-hearted
& what meant to humanize
will end up hollowing if the
ruthless treat gentleness as
permission while goodness
mutates into a self-erasure
mistaken by many for virtue

But you, when the time comes at last
And man is a helper to man
Think of us
With forbearance.

• To Those Born Later
by Bertoldt Brecht, 1939

And yet we know:
Hatred, even of meanness
Contorts the features.
Anger, even against injustice
Makes the voice hoarse. Oh, we
Who wanted to prepare the ground for friendliness
Could not ourselves be friendly.

For we went, changing countries oftner than our shoes
Through the wars of the classes, despairing
When there was injustice only and no rebellion.

III

You who will emerge from the flood
In which we have gone under
Remember
When you speak of our failings
The dark time too
Which you have escaped.