Careful doing your fly up. That could get nasty.

Just being on my knees, no big deal

I really want a dog, but I also don’t want another little creature to look after.

I love her! Jealous

a man in a suit is holding a book while talking to a woman ALT: a man in a suit is holding a book while talking to a woman

My child, leaves their uneaten toast on table and wanders off.

Me:

Summer is coming and my plan to get back in shape to fit into my nice summer clothes isn’t going to plan. And by that, I mean you may see me in lots of chunky jumpers this summer if I don’t get my act together.

Me, minding my own business.

My brain, via my mouth: Not the bore worms!