Marlon Rando

he is in a room right now full of british people and he is talking like madonna in 2004, all pip pip my good man lets adjourn to greggs for a sausage roll

Absolutely not. I refute this

A tweet by Ben Kahn (@BenTheKahn), posted on March 23, 2023, reads: "I don't think younger audiences appreciate that in the 90s, there was an entire genre of film that was just, 'Michael Douglas gets so horny that he ruins his life.'"

oh, a nepo ayatollah

Liverpool lost because Szobozlai’s new hairdo has angered the Gods

"Worst result since 1935" doesn't quite hit the same when you got fewer votes than that result, are on course to get the fewest seats for your party since WWI and just lost a seat you've held for almost a century.

That bitch needs to shut the fuck up and eat another book

matt goodwin tweet from late last night saying: "Matt Goodwin @GoodwinMJ.1d X They said I criticised Manchester This was a lie They said I have no local roots This was a lie They said I committed fraud This was a lie They said I am paid by Russia This was a lie They said I am "racist" This was a lie They said I am "sexist" This was a lie They said my research was dodgy This was a lie"

Caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
Even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
Even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
Saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)

Properly made up about the Gorton and Denton by-election result. Never felt so proud of my beloved M19 🙌

Whenever a Labour person complains about "sectarianism", "communalism" or "family voting", remember that they were fine with all these things when the minorities in question voted Labour.

Labour: why don't you all fuck off LOL
Labour: no not like that

Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating The Living Shit Out Of Each Other

Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating The Living Shit Out Of Each Other https://theonion.com/female-friends-spend-raucous-night-validating-the-livin-1819573315/

the ninja turtles and the power rangers putting aside their differences and teaming up

lent and ramadan kicking off on the same day

The first time I saw the fish tube, I was very hungover at @awesommelier.bsky.social’s house, it was the funniest thing I’d ever seen and I was furious there wasn’t a version for humans that could take me from her sofa to my bed.

Is there a technology the left is excited about? bsky.app/profile/rica...

things woud go fucking crazy if me and an open minded woman got up to some bisexual Shit

A bad drawing of under-pressure Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta, staring into the gaping maw of fourth successive Premier League runners-up finish. #WOLARS

😬

Last night I had dinner at 9.30pm.

the feeling of going into a jewelry store and asking for shrek was unrivaled

not anymore

This has genuinely made my 2026 bsky.app/profile/nota...

"They hate to see two woke bitches winning."

New response to any criticism of my podcasts just dropped

julius Bangojr 1 star Its 2:15 p.m. the owners wife locked me in and left. She did not look to see if the store was empty. This is not good. Dont want to move around just in case she set the alarm..

This one star review of a local convenience store... fair enough

Ignore the smears: I was never a close friend of Peter Mandelson. And I fully understand the lessons we must learn Wes Streeting

This is the funniest headline I seen in a long time. And bravo to whoever underlined the desperation with the juxtaposed link.

I’ve stopped wearing bras which have underwire unless it’s a really fancy bra because they are sensory nightmares

Spent my lunchtime watching the BenitoBowl half time show and the only way it could have been improved is if he was wearing those infamous white shorts (if you do not know about them already, do NOT Google this at work)

sources close to Keir Starmer tell me that Keir Starmer is ‘moisturised’, ‘in his lane’ and ‘thriving’

Breaking News 4m ago Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar expected to call for Prime Minister Keir Starmer to stand down - follow live

Do we need another lettuce

A tweet from @ futurevictim_ that reads "the only lasting 9/11 memory i have is when the budweiser ad with the kneeling clydesdales came on during the super bowl and i said "those horses are praying to mecca" and my friend's uncle got so mad that he had to go in the backyard"

Never Forget

That's my bald fraud ❤️