Me

My doomsday prophecy says Elon will do something to the astronauts before the return from ISS. He will then claim that he could have saved them

He puts the Elon in felon

The only way that I ate every day when I was in school was to have free lunches. I guess I was a parasite.

*opens trenchcoat*
Psst, you need eggs?

*musk gets fired*
Trump: “ Never met the man”

It feels like this day happens every year

RFK the younger is getting his ass handed to him. Question… Is sounding exactly like Catherine Hepburn a pre-existing condition?

Don’t wanna jinx things but I sold my first script, to be made sooner than expected

Joker and Batman

Evie Knievie

I think it’s almost frozen iguana is falling out of trees in Florida time

I quit drinking alcohol two years ago. And it has made all the difference in my life. I urge you to quit drinking alcohol.

Jimmy Carter was far more than a President. He was the embodiment of humanity. Perhaps, the last of his kind

Christmas Vacation is a Die Hard movie

“White Christmas” is a Christmas movie

A Christmas Carol is a Christmas movie

This is where I live

Being stupid is like being dead. You haunt every person. place, or thing you’ve ever touched.

I bet Trump is absolutely appalled at the behavior of Gaetz.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re having a way better Christmas than Matt Gaetz