Heathcliff walks past a candy store and towards the meat store that neighbors it. A pair of candy store patrons watch him pass while talking to the store's proprietor, and he says "No, I said 'Meat Tooth'."
10 Mar 2026
Uh oh. Did someone slip him a copy on Sun Tzu's The Art of the Deal?
The troubles
My biggest strength? Versatility. Adaptability. For example, this belt is reversible. Black or brown. Whatever comes my way.
a vagina is sometimes called a "beaver" because of the profound way in which it alters its ecosystem
America: love it or leave it to Beaver.
Do you think Shrek ever got ogrewhelmed
Do shut up manbaby
I don't think the death penalty is the right answer, even though what the Hamburglar did was wrong.
At the dog pound, Heathcliff and a pound worker play ping pong using a small pug as the ball. They're getting quite the rally going when the boss comes in and says "All right. Knock it off. No Pug Pong." The Kitty Korner reads "Rodney Griffin of Howey-In-The-Hills, FL, says his cat 'Ani', gets furious when he plays video games. He'll attack the controller until he plays with him!"
08 Mar 2026
Rock musician: “Wait, guys. What if we make a song that’s a metaphor for having sex?” The band pauses, stunned by the originality.
A handicap blue and white painted sign on the asphalt of a parking space. The symbols are meant to be a pregnant women and a baby stroller, but it doesn't look like that. It looks like pac man being killed with scissors next to a dancer
Twerkers at the barbeque get priority parking 🫡
I don't know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with seltzer and Boston cream pies.
I'd like pornos a lot better if they didn't always cut out the scene where they fall in love.
Heathcliff sits contemplatively in an armchair, surrounded by several framed pictures of meat, with a few pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling on wires. Grandma Nutmeg stands at the doorway with her friend and says "His aesthetic is meat core."
07 Mar 2026
Tony Soprano bachelor pad
My biggest regret is that in my youth, I hardly even wang chunged.
I'd be lucky if I was able to rock someone like a mild tropical depression.
solidarity with all the children out there throwing tantrums. stay strong. you WILL get what you want
🎶They tell me I can't do a racist rant, cocaine.🎵
Heathcliff stands outside a pizza restaurant located right at the edge of a cliff. He opens his pizza box and five small lemmings run out of the box and jump off the edge of the cliff. A pizza shop employee and customer watch the scene, and the employee says "Lemmings don't make good toppings."
05 Mar 2026
As a man, I'll never know the miracle of childbirth. But I once got an entire pear in my mouth so that's something.
Call me old-fashioned but in my day, a "selfie" was when you took a photo of yourself with a camera, not pleasuring yourself with foam Hulk hands.
Branch manager branching out
A comparative review of Cinderella and The Wizard of Oz suggests the core takeaway is that women will willingly endure structural foot distress.
I'm not feeling too good but I think I'm just dehydrated. Drinking more salt water.
"I'm every woman, it's all in me." Whitney Houston after the teleporter accident.
Being up for the job of Iran's Supreme Leader could be most ill-advised move since Gary Cherone joined Van Halen.
