Carolyn Parkhurst

Getting my hair cut tomorrow. Should I get a Women's Monobob?

Very proud of last-year me for putting the dog's festive red-and-white striped collar in with the Christmas ornaments. It's like, "Oh! Time to decorate the dog!"

Just spent 45 minutes on hold with a pharmacy, hearing their recorded message every minute or so. It was very "Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol..."

It's brutal.

A month before my 55th birthday and I’m feeling young and sassy

I can write you 5,000 words right now, but if you want them to be in any particular order, that's gonna take longer

Cracking myself up at my annual hearing test, imagining saying words that the recording didn't ask me to say. The one that almost made me start laughing for real was "glandular."

There was an international camera crew in my neighborhood, interviewing people on the street about Halloween in Washington, DC, and long story short, I think my dog just pooped on Estonian TV.

Typed the name Jeffrey into a text with my husband, and this was the predictive text selection my phone offered me

The other day, one of my kids accidentally made a reference to "Pavlov's gun," and now I'm spending a lot of time wondering abut Chekhov's dogs.

It really does.

Well, this makes me worry for the fate of humanity

Jeez, there’s a story there

Thank you! I appreciate your nerdiness.

Hang on. Are there Capuchin monks AND Capuchin monkeys?

The book I ordered was not, in fact, called "Fiction Novel" (which is redundant anyway). But thanks, Amazon, for helping me reduce everything to it's mosr basic function! "Brain bored! Need fiction novel!"

Me, about to die underwater in my "not Penny's boat" era: "Scissors! When you cook a frozen pizza, cut it with SCISSORS!"

I feel like this garbage can is insulting me. And is maybe also an alien life form.

Thank you, random girl at the airport who said you liked my dress! I don't think I've ever forgotten a compliment I've gotten from a stranger. Good reminder that tiny gestures count.

Feculence isn't an approved Spelling Bee word? What a slap in the face to newly minted Emmy winner Tramell Tillman!

Great article!

When you have a child who's away at college, it's important not to overwhelm them with texts. Wait until you have something really important or interesting to say.

Me at the Renaissance Festival: “Well, I *am* running low on corsets and flower crowns…”

My favorite is Saliva. 😍

I wish this was real. It would be so cute.

Me at any airport or train station: “Wow, I can’t believe that hard-sided luggage has made such a comeback!”

Continuing my occasional series of hot takes on songs that are 30 years old or more, I believe that Billy Joel's "Downeaster Alexa" is narrated by a ghost. Discuss.

Oh, not a word? Wake up, Spelling Bee

The fact that "codeine" is spelled with an EI instead of an IE really spices up all those mnemonics about your foreign neighbor, the weird overcaffeinated sheik

Spelling Bee clutching its pearls when I type TURD. You know it's a real word, you cowards.