Rob Cee

You should need a medical card to buy mountain dew.

THAT'S how she died. One more reason he had to go.

Do you think Shrek ever got ogrewhelmed

Mid-70's photo of Paul & Linda McCartney both sporting sort of feathery mullet haircuts.

I liked Wings better before Paul & Linda started going to the same barber.

I actually prefer refined sugars because I'm a fancy bitch.

If God is omniscient that means he knows about clown porn

Had a dream that Guy Fieri went to a diner and ordered a Boston cream omelette.

*puts on bowling shoes to have sex*

Just scheduled a mammogram on a whim to surprise future gretchen with my drunken practicality.

*couples counseling*

Therapist: Tell her, Rob.

Me: *reluctantly* Sorry I accused you of being a Decepticon.

I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion

I have a learning disability and that disability is that I am very dumb.

Oh yeah, just hall of fame assbag stuff.

Rob Cee on X: "Oh, man. I feel bad. I'm going to do something self-destructive. When I first started this account & was getting some notice, a bigger account followed me. He dm'd me & asked if my avi was really me because, as he said, "some of us thought you were too funny to be a polar bear."" / X Oh, man. I feel bad. I'm going to do something self-destructive. When I first started this account & was getting some notice, a bigger account followed me. He dm'd me & asked if my avi was really me because, as he said, "some of us thought you were too funny to be a polar bear."

I forget the details. But this was my satirical version on Twitter:

x.com/i/status/109...

For old time twitter drama, nothing beats "guy posing as his own wife." Elle something.

this cape is reversible but my decision to wear it to the custody hearing is not

The planet with the easiest gravity to escape is Planet Fitness.

I'm no fan of us starting a war with Iran, but I still think it needs to be said that "Ayatollah" is a really dumb name for a guy to have.

Mid-70's photo of Paul & Linda McCartney both sporting sort of feathery mullet haircuts.

I liked Wings better before Paul & Linda started going to the same barber.

*snorting fun dip off the trix rabbit's ass*

On the injury report, I am listed as day-to-day with a bad case of what medical science calls "leaky butt."

What does it mean when your pee smells normal but it tastes like asparagus

Roses are red,
Violets are icky,

Dave's Room Temperature Chicken

Sorry I called cigarettes "acoustic vapes."

I feel attacked by this.

"A Ted Koppel lookalike?" Oh, you mean a Koppelgänger.

Tommy, please.

*breaking up with Thom Yorke*

I don't care what's in your head. I just don't think your RadioHEART is in this.

RFK Jr. encouraging Dunkin and Starbucks to reduce sugar in their drinks and add meat instead.