Long past time for Congress to roll up its sleeve, rediscover its purpose, and really do something that speaks to the current world situation, like rename the moon Trump: The Satellite
Completely shocking that the MAGA grift machine still screaming about SOMALI DAYCARE FRAUD has not a peep to say about the FirstEnergy criminal corruption trial in Ohio involving millions in bribes and a billion dollar deal for energy fatcats. Surely it's not because it implicates Republicans?
Hey, at least they built the place an hour from everything on earth including all public transit!
Pulled pork nachos with home fries will fix the world
Posted "I'm so alone I don't even get fundraising texts from Democrats" and three cops and a social worker showed up at my house
maybe Kristi Noem wouldn't wear the Florsheims
Make America Heel Blister Again
REPORTER: Mr. Bergman, those around you say the cheesecake is very nearly eaten, yet you say you've just barely begun eating cheesecake. Which is it?
ME: uh, you could say both
I see the laugh-reacting great-uncle contingent has settled on their comments-section talking point about gas price spikes, that being "no they didn't and I'm glad they did and anyway Biden." Great work as always gents, you couldn't bulldoze the country you say you love any harder if you tried
Made a 1am frozen pizza as an incentive to unload boxes from the van while it was cooking and then reward myself. It is now 3am and I am offering myself the second half of the frozen pizza as a reward for unloading the boxes. The negotiations are not going well.
AND SHE'LL DO IT AGAIN AGAIN sorry I just wanted more pics
Saw a werewolf leavin' a bodega drinkin' a smoothie with his friends
Doin' the werewolves of Brooklyn
ah woooooooo
Don't think it's said enough how gleeful Trump and Hegseth are about killing people especially BECAUSE it's unpopular and transgressive. We're sinking fishing boats and blowing up Iranian civilians because two men have a murder and debasement kink and history's biggest war machine to jerk off with.
Since we all know he's gonna do fuck all in his big-boy job, former plumber Markwayne Mullin could at least make it fun by using plumbing puns at press conferences. Gonna flush the illegals, tighten up America's leaky faucet, put a wrench in those domestic terrorists' plans oh god we're so fucked
AND SHE’LL DO IT AGAIN
If a bartender who serves a drunk can be held liable when that drunk kills people in a wreck, are we gonna hold the AI evangelists and trainers responsible when their robot spawn bomb schools and kill civilians?
Not saying it's not barbaric, but Markwayne Mullin's new policy of fist-fighting every detained brown person in ICE custody in an Applebee's parking lot is gonna really slow down the deportation process
John Fetterman is the Herschel Walker of Joe Manchins
BREAKING: MAGA reluctantly agrees to start rubbing one out to Markwayne Mullin during Congressional oversight hearings instead
Strangely enough @themountaingoats.bsky.social earned more from meme royalties in 2024 than from music despite meme royalties not being real
[smacking away oxygen mask and yanking central line from my neck] hi I'm all fueled up for my infarction adventure thanks to my brand partners Hormel, Monster Energy, and Raytheon, and I'm ready for heartattackmaxxing fun on this roadtrip, hit the siren boys we're in our coding era
Can't wait for the opportunity to pay my respects as reverently to Pete Hegseth as he does to the troops he's gotten killed
The McDonald's CEO looks like he came from the same third-rate robot factory that made Mark Zuckerberg and J.D. Vance from washed-out latex and gave them the social skills of an NPC in a 1980s text adventure. This simulation sucks.
me, as a skeleton draped in an American flag on a truck stop t-shirt: THESE EXECUTIVE DON'T FUNCTION
What's that? Our allies shot down our planes and they cost 350 plates at my fundraiser? Better kick some more poors off Medicaid pronto
my great-grandparents grew food out of dust, their kids fought in a war, my dad built cars, I steal funny video clips and stitch two-second clips of myself fake-laughing at the end for tenths-of-a-cent per engagement and pay for delivered chimichangas on an interest-bearing installment plan
New war time is exciting for MAGAnauts, as it's the only time they get to cosplay pretending to give a shit about people in other countries. Just long enough for righteousness in the comments section, mind you, that shit ends when any of those people need protected or relocated, but what a thrill!
I don't think it's being a stooge for capitalism to be annoyed by "did you see how much my meal cost" posts. They put the prices on a sign in the lobby and they build the restaurant in a complex with dozens of other options. You shitting bricks because Five Guys is expensive isn't postworthy my dude
Sausage gravy over tater tots, because the end of the world is no time to be hangry
