Adele Taylor (pthagonal)

There is no small pleasure left in my life that my brain can't destroy for me. So that's fun.

Anyway, going to ignore that and try and run D&D regardless.

I just...shouldn't. shouldn't engage.. shouldn't check social media. Not when I'm having this sort of day

Dammit, was just about feeling ok and then got reminded I am a bad person who has done bad things and thinks bad thoughts and should feel bad

Did some chores today but still feel so fragile and everything I read made me feel more broken. I don't know why I exist. I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with these thoughts and feelings that apparently are perfectly normal and yet clearly I am not.

this is so fun because i know an LLM wouldn’t give me a response this creative. like this took the funniest shortcut possible. come have fun at youraislopbores.me

Whatever's wrong with me, it's not working and I am sad and very very tired of hitting crisis point every other day or so

Finished chapter on basic distress tolerance - many distractions techniques are stuff I already do (but also part of the problem) and struggled to come up with relaxation methods (especially around smell, like...I just don't have a strong sense of smell and don't find particular smells comforting?)

However, it is less triggering than reading books about different types of therapy so I'll stick with it for now

Reading Atomic Habits but I actually have no idea what habit(s) I want to have and apparently the first step is to know what sort of person you want to be so I'm screwed

Me: horse

Hank Green: fish

A heroic scale bronze art fountain somewhere in Helsinki. A woman stands on a pedestal in the middle. Four sea lions probably at the Cardinal points of the compass stand around her.

Not sure what the actual title of this piece of art is, but it is a figure of a woman surrounded by sea-lions, so I am assuming it is something like: “First Woman on the Internet.”

About time. Really tired of all these phallic tall buildings.

So I almost completely avoided the news and internet yesterday, what have I missed?

Oh.

Oh.

I'm now very confused about who ended up in the ocean and who ended up on land in 2027

The downside of the seven hour time difference is I am always asleep when Hank posts this stuff.

The upside is someone else makes the same dumb response I would so I don't have to.

Another day, another failed #TheBookofGoodTimes exercise.

I probably had good teachers? I just don't remember. I mostly liked teachers because I fancied them, not because they were good at their job :/

Like I'm really trying to remember opposite action and I should get up and find someone to dance with but I really do just want to hide

Thought of dancing kept me going all day but now I am here I wish I was at home in bed

I drown it in honey (and still struggle to finish it some days)

I guess that's another podcast episode to download then never listen to because I cannot even decide what to listen to let alone concentrate for any length of time.

I did read a bit more today though. And watched some videos, bits of which may even have sunk in. So it is getting better.

The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook (second edition). It is a chonk.

Right, let's give this a go (at least until the NHS gets back to me).

My now might as well be my forever because now is all that exists

I'm so sorry

I'm just so tired of fighting my own brain, of trying to cope. So. Fucking. Tired.

My son, having been there for the weekend: you should go to Oxford, it's really nice
Me, having looked up where Oxford United is in the Championship: maybe I will next season

Waking up and thinking about cancer etiology Iover breakfast thanks to @hankgreen.bsky.social

Pancake Day - Maid Marian YouTube video by Swimace

Happy Pancake Day to all who celebrate

Less likely to fail...in certain ways, surely?

Because unless you're holding out on us...

Remember - child labour is your friend

The post-p4a slump is real.

Plus the grief I suppose.

And the ever-present existential depression of course.