Joffiecakes

I went ham on the Jolly Dodgers

It’s another hot Christmas here in Central Texas. I’m wrapping gifts and my tits and bits are all sweaty. I hate it.

Hah bumhug

It has finally cooled off and my tits are happy.

This sounds like my grandmother in last years of her life. She went from living for looks, to living for dessert.

Pie for breakfast?

In the now, it is (dog imposed) Stick Time.

Bukkake throwback, care of iOS.

Catholic guilt pales in comparison to the massive heft of my sighs

The KGB could use my sighs. Fuck defenestration, it’s so messy.

My sighs have gotten so heavy, they could replace the piano in ‘A Fish Called Wanda’

Pardon me, sir. Would you like a little spray of Zozo?

Really? No one speaks Haitian Creole? Not one of you?

*le sigh

Y’all need Jesu- …google

Oof, don’t give this scent to anyone from Haiti

*and the skin

Now I’ve stepped on a deck screw and yes, it went through the shoe in the skin. Also, last night I drove home with one headlight working.

So: headlight out, possum funkified dog, need a tetanus shot.

That’s my three, Bitch.

(not in the mood for karma to be bad at math today)

Yes, I’m quite capable of googling. It says so in my first post. I was being anecdotal and somewhat tongue in cheek for the sake of my own sanity.

But now I know there are also possum reply guys. Cool.

Maybe it was a gang? A posse of possums…

*gags

The internet says that possums *do not* spray like skunks, but I’m calling “bullshit” on that. One of my mastiffs is _literally_ soaked in possum funk.

In my personal and anecdotal experience, Jews and mold do not go well together.

I think I could rocks some nipple tassels. Totally serious right now.

…if you’re lucky, I will put you in my goddess pocket

Reworking the word ‘vagina’…
How do we feel about Goddess Pocket?

Awww, shucks. I try to be on my game because, you know, we’re doing it village-style.

Thanks, Duck! I’m tired but still filled with naches.

Thanks, she came three weeks early and is a wee little nugget, but she’s healthy and happy and cute as can be.

Finally got a little rest. The past couple of days have been CRAZY. What day is it, Friday? Anyway, you guys, I’m an auntie! Again!!

At my house, when it rains, it doesn’t just pour, oh no.
It: deluges, gullywashes, monsoons, duck-drowns, cob-floats, toad-strangles, and more. Yall, we are fuckin’ drenched over here.

My husband is watching a documentary about cheese, just because.