Jake Donaldson

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of 10,000 spoons, must be in want of a knife.

Jigsaw designers, they've got their work cut out for them.

I love how they always call it a "Right Wing Demonstration" like, what are you demonstrating?

"Alright lads, watch carefully, I'll show you how to act thick as all fuck."

📆 FRIDAY NIGHT
🏰 The Forge Comedy Club, Ironworks Studios
🎟️ Doors 7pm, Show 8pm, Bar til midnight
forgecomedyclub.co.uk/brighton-com...
🌈Ben Norris 🌈Michael Fabbri
🌈Matthew Ali 🌈Jake Donaldson
🌈MC Louise Leigh

#Brighton #Comedy
@donaldsoncomedy.bsky.social
@louiseleighcomedy.bsky.social

The BBC Referees in
The 90s
🤝
Refusing to book
Gary Lineker

You know how the Grinch's heart is two sizes too small?

I'm the same but it's my penis.

People on Easter Sunday are giving “and Jesus”

Trans women are women.

Sorry, I'm just one of those comedians who says it like it is.

Yer Da says "Please" to ChatGPT.

Therapist: "You need to stop letting yourself get steamrollered into other people's opinions."

Me: "Yeah I suppose you're right."

I really like writing when it is exactly within the parameters that I find ideal for writing which are vague and ever changing

Michael McIntyre: "Which of these is your Man Drawer?"

Morgue Assistant: "All of them."

I'd describe myself as "The Simpsons was on BBC Two" years old.

My 5 year old nephew when he's scared to pet my cat.

Actually, it was just a roman dogwhistle.

Viz letter with a big picture of the current monarch at the top: "I'm as patriotic as the next man, but if I was offered a New Year's Honour I would turn it down. The extra letters before or after my name, a knighthood or an OBE, would honestly be nothing more than a nightmare. Thanks but no thanks, Your Majesty. Give it to a deserving pop star or actor for services to one thing or another. Cumcise Analpr, Bradford"

Dry Jan is what I call your mum

I don't know Frasier, probably just eat them or something?

Chris Mcausland winning Strictly has really fucked it for the rest of the visually impaired community tbh, we've been using eyesight as an excuse to be shit at stuff for ages, what am I supposed to do now, try my actual best? Fuck off.

Michael McIntyre: "Which of these is your Man Drawer?"

Morgue Assistant: "All of them."

"Please, call me Pitbull. Mr Worldwide was my Father's name"

It feels quite on the nose to call your institution this when it's based in Cambridge...

Are hashtags a thing on here? This is like when you start a new job and they use a slightly different CRM.

Tbh I like Harry Potter, I just thought it was a funny thing to see happen

I'm going with the man I heard shouting "Live your lives for God's sake!" at the people queueing for Playform 9 and 3/4 at King's Cross the other day.

Theatre Director: "I love your new play about ancient Rome, but the title, don't you think it's a bit cold and formal..."

Shakespeare: "Fine! Coriolarsehole then."

The Alphabet: "A B C D E F G"

Train carriages: "Nah, I'll just vibe it."

BBC New Comedy Award 2024 | Review of the final as aired on BBC One https://www.chortle.co.uk/review/2024/11/14/56994/bbc_new_comedy_award_2024?rss