Salty_Bawls

Even Cthulhu has standards.

#vss365

May his soul have a #wound so deep that Chthulu crawls in with tentacles #wound through his every nerve ending screaming with the pain of his victims for eternity, and he never finds rest or succor.

They lay in bed, the candle #lambent on her skin. His fingers tracing the pattern of light from her neck down to the navel.

“Fucken hell stop that,” she lamented. “Tickling is not one of my fetishes!”

#vss365

#vss365 True story

Candy arrived late to worship services and didn’t want to interrupt the sermon, so she stood outside the door and listened.

At one point the preacher exclaimed that animals have no #soul and therefore can’t get into heaven.

Candy walked out and never returned.

I crack me up

Usually stormtroopers.

“Don’t go far old girl,” he says through snot covered lips. “I’ll be along shortly.”

Tears run raggedly down the old man’s face, catching in the crags. He’s unabashedly not one of those pretty criers, and he doesn’t need anyones platitudes to #soothe him. What he wants is to feel every emotion while holding his best friend as she crosses that rainbow bridge.

#vss365

The tears running across my keyboard cry out in the affirmative.

Today we lay our little girl rest. Princess Buttercup, first of her name, she of the Loud Bark, Lady Protector Against All That Lives in the Shadows, and the Bestest of Girls.

Her brave heart shall #thrum no more except in our memories where she will run and play forever.

#vss365

I’m back… for now at least.

The tear gas canisters fired into the crowd did nothing to #obfuscate that the Epstein Files were being held because the President would be arrested for raping small children.

#vss365 #Epsteinfiles #47aChildRapist

I think I played football against Dinkville.

As humanities time on earth comes to an inevitable conclusion, we see a group of teenage boys driving off into the distant sunset, lipsynching and playing air drums while Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” plays on the radio.

Thank you, and goodnight from #Wanes World.

#vss365

Man those “don’t tread on me” folks are really owning the libs with this talk about not having guns at protests.

A group of crows is a murder.
A group of cows is a herd.
A group of hippos is a boat.
A group of MAGA is a cuck.

“Hand me the #cusp,” Nick ordered.

Marlene hadn’t realized that Nick had a lisp before. She stopped for a moment wondering how she had never noticed.

She reached out and placed the coffee cup in his hand.

“Not the cup, the cusp,” Nick said.

He grabbed the dimensional shifter himself.

#vss365

I hear The Dairy Queen is sending an armada to float over to cream their ice.

Fuck miller.

She was a Good daughter.
She was a Good mother.
She was a Good American.
She was a Good human.

He was a Pretti son.
He was a Pretti nurse.
He was a Pretti American.
He was a Pretti human.

What they did was not Good.
What they did was not Pretti.

Do not fall for the #ruse.

#vss365

Dat’s a right gud compliment thar me boyo.

A tired CIA agent climbed the ships gangway searching for the captain of the Студёно in the freezing waters off the coast of Bulgaria, but he didn’t expect the ice beneath his feet to cause him to fall into the waters below.

The sad snoop #slipped on the Slavic sloop and sunk into the sea.

#vss365

T’was a neery freezing nought me laddie, and da fog were as dense as a yuggun boyo see’n a pretty lass fer da first time, and dats how dem McLeran weres able to get dere boat outta da harbor #slip and dis’appar afor dey was caught.

#vss365

The giant lumbered forward surprisingly fast for something so large. Its club swung past the head of Bruenor so close his beard to wavered in its wake.

“ #Drizzle you mind helping with this?” Bruenor called out.

The dark skinned warrior stood quietly next to Guenhwyvar.

“It’s Drizzt.”

#vss365

“Hey Salty, what are you up to this morning?”

“Me? Oh you know, that old thing we’ve all done before, eating a piece of key lime pie in complete darkness while trying not to wake everyone in the house with the fucking SNAP of the plastic container being at 2000 decibels and failing miserably.”

I still crack me up!

I think I’m gonna start a list of all the MAGA supporters for the inevitable Nuremberg-type trials in the future.

It’s time to start using your 2A rights to protect yourself from unidentified men wearing masks trying to kidnap you off the streets, in your homes or places of work.

Will you do the fandango?