mickie

l am upset

goooooshh

marina abramović, patron of the very concept of a horny trans girl

without downloading any pics, whats the energy youre taking into 2024?

A close-up selfie in a car

SmackDown time, pussycats-- let's fuck it up! (Yes I know, I'm in a car, we're gonna make it don't worry)

I can't even finish it

what an awful person

morning everyone. please share my mutual aid today so i can try to get the hell out of this scary and exhausting situation. i’m too tired and upset for engagement

thanks y’all 🙏

my therapist told me to slow down and act like a grownup long enough to escape someone who played upon my insecurities to manipulate me. I'm glad I listened

anyway, I'm a lot happier now

met someone new and she brings it into sharp relief just how much better my life is without you in it. you were bad for me and it's life you did everything you could to leave me worse off.

I care about her and it hurts when she pushes me away

and I guess just a general fight-or flight tension, and I'm easily startled

sometimes I get *stuck* placed, like there's some primordial command to hide that's been triggered

manifests as a tightness in my chest, shortness of breathing, uncontrollable trembling and general paralysis of my limbs accompanied of course by heavy dissociation

also it affects my vision, it's like my field of vision gets narrower and dimmer

the overwhelming feeling that there is something deeply intrinsically wrong with me, that anything I say or any action I perform will reveal it, that the wrongness of me is on the verge of being exposed, that I'll be punished and the punishment will be isolation

I just want to lay in bed for a hundred hours

I hate being triggered

I hate feeling stuck here

you ever hung up on somebody who won't make plans with you bc they gotta keep their schedule open in case something cooler comes along?

fuck I'm triggered again

i love you more than anything

"i've never even heard of this, sounds fake"

🩷

who would want to have irrational impulses? i don't

and if I express it or even front at all it seems to make everything worse. I feel selfish. I feel miserable. my headmates resent me, call me irrational, act like I'm going to ruin their life

I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THINGS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

i hate me

I hate being triggered

I've been broken up with a lot, but never such a nasty and unhinged breakup letter. And what came after...

How dare you.

Fuck you. I can't believe I ever let you in my bed.

I wish I had never met you.

best wishes,
Mickie (she/her)
🔩

You couldn't keep it together and not make a huge scene over nothing for one more day. Angry at me for listening to my therapist instead of soaring back into your arms at the snap of your fingers. Angry at my wife for daring to support me.

And what do you do? You go home and obsess over the one thing that didn't go your way. That I dared to get rid of your framed picture after you literally dumped me over a hi-five.

I couldn't wait to talk to my therapist on Wednesday, to tell her I've decided the waiting is over. I wanted to bury the hatchet. Put the necklace back on, tell you I was ready to be your girlfriend again. That you made me happy. I wanted to make you happy.

an open letter to You Know Who You Are

I wish you knew how close you were to getting what you wanted. It was such a lovely weekend. No drama. Cloud 9. My body was filled to the brim with love chemicals.

you look femme to me

🩷🩷