Uncle Duke

A broom leans against a wall in a doorway.

There’s nothing like coming home from a long, hard day at work, and finding your mother-in-law’s vehicle parked outside.

Sign in window reads “Sorry we are closed today due to short people. We will be back on Wednesday.”

Randy Newman: *nods approvingly*

Partial section of the face of a full-size chocolate cat being held over the face of an actual cat.

Phantom of the Opurra

A parking space outlined with a painted white dotted line and labeled "DRUG DEALERS ONLY."

Detective Wile E. Coyote puts down the paintbrush and smiles.

don’t want to get too kooky here but how about we elect not evil people

my posts are made the old-fashioned way (being insane)

*werner herzog voice* you have your light evenings now but the mornings are darker than ever

the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome

Sometimes the downward spiral is only a little whirlwind in butterfly landing to tend a flower, a part of cosplay, overwhelming still. But it's being handled kink by kink

doing a kegstand at the wendy’s ketchup dispenser everyone else here is a coward

If God is omniscient that means he knows about clown porn

Two boxes holding little stuffed balls inside that say "Kick Balls"

Thanks for the suggestion but I was already going to

When you block me I make a funny little noise like a bluetooth speaker disconnecting

In the time I've spent reading your posts in the last month alone I could have read both the Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

I cannot thank you all individually but I want you to know that you have my eternal gratitude. ❤️📚🤓

So tired of people saying my poems suck hey nobody forced them to come to Supercuts

Anybody know how to keep these damn squirrels out of the little birdhouse in my soul

But they’re your only friends! Well, not your only friends, but your little furry friends. Well, really not actually your friends, but they are.

Evil genius is still genius.

my favourite angels, ranked:

10. Angels With Dirty Faces
9. Angela Bassett
8. Buffy’s friend
7. Capelli d'angelo pasta
6. Angelópolis, Colombia
5. Angelfish
4. Lucifer
3. Angel by Massive Attack
2. Clarence
1. Angel cake

If you’re trying to be evil but you’re mediocre at it are you mid evil?

Fine, keep one leg out of the covers while you sleep. Just don’t come hopping to me after a monster bites it off.

This day in history. 1982. Syzygy or the alignment of all nine planets with respect to the Sun. What are the odds that this could occur without a purposeful creator? 100 percent.

A parking space outlined with a painted white dotted line and labeled "DRUG DEALERS ONLY."

Detective Wile E. Coyote puts down the paintbrush and smiles.

Partial section of the face of a full-size chocolate cat being held over the face of an actual cat.

Phantom of the Opurra

a cat sinks its teeth into middle c on the keyboard of a piano

cat starts with c

I understand that, when my dog stops on our walks to sniff every goddamn twig and each freakin’ blade of grass, she is decoding, deciphering, and analyzing the complicated world around her, but what I can’t quite figure out is exactly what she plans on doing with that information.

Four months of patience, determination, and the diligence to perform some simple on-the-fly daily calculations, finally paid off this morning when I at last woke up to find that all the clocks in the house had in fact, as I told my wife they would, fixed themselves on their own.

The most drag queen of all serpents is the feather boa.

You expect me to eat chia seeds?? The same seeds I use to grow my pets?

An album cover with Zamfir the master of the Pan Flute

For years we've accepted without questioning that Zamfir is the Master of the Pan Flute. I am interested in exploring this relationship from the flute's perspective. My expose, Pan Flute the Slave of Zamfir, will be available wherever books are sold in early 2027.