Mara!

Daddy Yankee? how the fuck do you become the daddy of a sports team? that is absolutely bonkers. eat the rich.

Me my whole life: Nothing is black and white. You have to consider nuance

Now: We face a heinous, remorseless evil

I'm going to become a right wing podcaster but only about soap. Bar soap is traditional values. Liquid soap is a disgrace. Squirting goo on yourself from a little bottle. Western civilization is at risk because of this

i got 100% in my CPR certification class the instructor said i’m really good at chest compressions i can show you if you want get on the ground

don’t get me wrong, people were hot in the years of 2020-2024 but only bc as a society we need that role to function, but in a realer and more godly sense we were collectively chopped and that’s okay

We Demand More Ethical Pogroms

one of my ops at work asked me why i keep cutting my hair short and when i told her its bc men pay less attention to me with short hair she gave me a little kiss and tucked me into bed should i tell HR

I can dill even when im in a pickle

edible so good i forgot about U.S. imperialism

exclusively referring to the projects i’ve completed at work as the “jobs i’ve banged out”

you’re at home manifesting while the rest of us are doing witch craft on public transit like our ancestors intended

they should make an IUD that goes in your brain instead of your uterus to stop you from getting idiot ideas is this anything

Smoking the cannabis strain named cleveland ohio

the worst thing to me is that mine enemies know the simple pleasures of listening to music and reading smut

Smoking the strain of weed that makes you play jazz drums

the rewards!!!!!!!! from the seeds i sewed!!!!!! i’m reaping them!!!!! oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

clocks? watches? sands of time? idk man something suspicious about them fr

*raises hand*
um excuse me, rhetorical question, where is the bathroom?

I pee last thing before I go to sleep. I pee first thing in the morning. Who's putting all this pee in me at night?!

alt text

each day on this planet is worse than the last

10 out of 10 doctors agree that you shouldn’t feel like the years between 2020 and 2025 are a yawning black chasm of nothingness and woe

you’re at home manifesting while the rest of us are doing witch craft on public transit like our ancestors intended

i know we all hoped this year would be the y2k and were disappointed when it wasn’t, but don’t forget y2ks happen when you least expect them :)

fog is THE weather for Cleveland, Ohio. it looks great on her and she should consider wearing it more often

every time i finish reading an article for grad school im gonna punch a hole in the drywall, 10 punches and i get a free article

all my friends are GayFreaks Mild or GayFreaks Spicy but this recipe i’m cooking calls for Medium Chunky

gonna start banging on the keyboard with my knuckles as hard as i can so i have some physical evidence to show the boys how hard at work ive been

ultimately i’m doing all of this: working, going to grad school, fighting god, hacking into the mainframe, letting the dogs out, etc.
so that i can watch some uninterrupted television

thinking the Luddites were right

For the 2nd time I’ve had fire trucks surrounding my building for an emergency and no one(!!!!) has come out to check what’s up except for Jeff my neighbor who loves to see me fail