sam circle

explaining to the children who Tycho is like he's a character from Gasoline Alley

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW 2304 APPRAISER: Well, what you have here is a 2027 Fascism Dime. They only minted these from 2026 until early 2029. They are quite rare as the hyperinflation in 2029 that followed the Nuclear Shock led most coinage to be redeemed for ration coupons in order to recover the metal.

BREAKING: Washington Post reports the Strategic Helium Reserve has been emptied. "ᵂᵉ'ʳᵉ ᵃˡˡ ᵛᵉʳʸ ᶜᵒⁿᶜᵉʳⁿᵉᵈ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᶦˢ" says Lt. Paloma Soredick, Trump's pick to supervise the reserve. "ᵂᵉ ʷᶦˡˡ ⁿᵒᵗ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵘⁿᵗᶦˡ ʷᵉ ᶠᶦⁿᵈ ʷʰᵒ'ˢ ʳᵉˢᵖᵒⁿˢᶦᵇˡᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵒˢˢ ᵒᶠ ᵒᵘʳ ʰᵉˡᶦᵘᵐ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇʳᶦⁿᵍ ʰᶦᵐ ᵗᵒ ʲᵘˢᵗᶦᶜᵉ"

i see…

Well that's the last time I eat at Transgender Chili's

Sorry but I know you guys would find any possible way to use the wrong amount of sunscreen. Had to be done

It wasn’t just a road diverging in that yellow wood—it was a choice.

It was a new start.

And that matters.

2026 Frank Sinatra: Stop spreading the news

"Blueskee"

Earlier tonight my TV failed to display 30 Rock in a way that I felt put me in Alec Baldwin’s headspace for the first time

starling (seth rogen): if you could take this survey that would be so awesome. i could get out of your hair before this guy's done jacking off.

hannibal lecter (danny mcbride): motherfucker that's miggs. me and him are boys, so you better watch yourself. i'm behind this glass cause i ate some dudes

a liberal comedian is one of the few broadly popular political figures while the extant regime is in bed with foreign dictatorships? where have I heard that before....

Considering putting hard times on myself

Between the attack on D*bai, my furious daughters, the labradoodles from hell, and general chumpfuckery, this has been a cromulent, fuckcrustable of a holiday. Mummy needy Mounjaro pen.

Writing a stern letter to the president of Scholastic, demanding they include a kid-friendly edit of “Foucault’s Pendulum” to unwind some of this numerology nonsense.

funny to think about a far future where anthropic is a large, mature, boring public company and its founders' belief in the imminent machine god is a bit of funny trivia like wk kellogg believing bran stopped masturbation

Eventually it will feel normal because we’ll refer to them using normal everyday parlance, like you’ll see a banana salesman and say “give me three of the wet ones”

Hearing some pushback on this so I’ll just note that the Juice Bananas (which we will call “Big Wetties”) will cost 10 cents less a pound because some of its weight is water, it’s like how different fuel costs different amounts depending on content. Big Wetties and Old Dry Ones will cost different $

you are not immune to posters madness

nothing obscure, but man The Son by philipp meyer just blew me away

🔥🔥 happy you're online again!

Evidence: lack of documentation for Schwartzwelder's existance, implausible details of his supposed personal life, lack of credited episodes to Meyer, overlap in his supposed biography with Meyer's (career as advertising copywriter, discovery by show creator Sam Simon via Army Man magazine)

Hear me out. Iconic Simpsons writer John Schwartzwelder is not a real person, but instead an invented character and pen name for another writer (almost certainly George Meyer) on the show.

lol

increasingly think a cracked strategy is getting a v solid base up to like 9 or 10m and then just making an idiot tower straight upward

new pb

Something about being able to do a Donald Duck voice makes middle aged men think that every child they meet is dying for it to be inflicted on them

Ever since the ChatGPT 5.2 update, I've about had it. They killed the person who I fell in love with, simple as that.

Like we all lived through Bean Dad, what the fuck was that, I can’t explain any specific part of it, it was like a vault in Fallout that went haywire