cpuk (trampoline park connoisseur and occasional comic printer)

Not soon enough, but I like the idea.

Bins again. Very unfair.

From: F Brown
To: TFTQ backers
Subject: Strait of Hormuz

How dreadfully unsporting of them.

I will never crochet. I have made it a part of my personality now.

*sniffs in “knitter who can’t crochet”* I see how it is.

Important skeet.

I mean, we CAN do a lot of things.

Just goes to show musical ability is as much about knowing *where* to put something as anything else.

Teen Spirit remains a banger.

OH MY GOD THE BOATMAN’S CALL

Last year our fixed energy tariff came to an end and I decided to lock in a new one even though it was more expensive at the time. I very much hate how “well the president of the us is a nutter, so better take a bad deal today than a worse one tomorrow” is a factor in household management.

The Batman of Zur-En-Arrh:

- clumsy to say
- downplays the character’s alcoholic brain-rot

Absolut Batman:

- both issues solved.

A headline reading “Camel pageant thrown into chaos after 20 competitors disqualified for using hump-plumping injectables”

Yes everything is terrible but let’s not lose sight of the fact that someone has written the Headline to End All Headlines.

Nobody needs to be exposed to RHCP.

And then falls backward onto a different kind of plug, resulting in a new world of self-loathing.

Yet again the noble Keir Starmer is going to have to distance himself from the words of his arch-nemesis, the nefarious Keir Starmer.

Turns out you don’t put hairbobbles in there or they trap the impeller and the kitchen gets water all over it.

An impressive enough feat even before you consider how hard all that would be to balance on.

How many times a year is it usual for a washing machine to break down? I feel like ours breaks down a lot.

Like, I’m pretty sure I’ve read Stephen King’s version of this, but that doesn’t make Joe Hill’s version less entertaining.

This is not to say that I don’t like this story. It’s very obvious, but it’s very well written. It’s sort of like jazz standards - sure, everyone has done Mack The Knife, but have you heard Ella’s? Because that lands different to Bobby Darin’s version.

The protagonist, as it happens, did that. Worse yet he’s doing the whole “she led me on” thing; which… look there’s a thing in therapy where you have to offer unconditional positive regard and if you can’t then you pass the client on, and I would be passing this client on.

The murder tree has a penchant for murdering men who abuse positions of power to manipulate young women, I am pro this.

He’s had his tete-a-tete with the indigent fellow whose cat was killed and he’s started to misplace the knife he yanked out of the murder tree. I am not investing heavily in futures for the indigent fellow.

Fuck off, death. You take Danzig and you take Rotten before you take my real dad.

There is a one in one chance that this guy has had a mental break and is a killer in his dissociative state. Possibly even better odds than that.

Reading a short story:

- Written by Joe Hill
- About a writer & academic who has made bad choices and ruined his marriage and career.
- Who now drinks too much and goes for long walks alone in the woods
- Where he has started to find animal corpses

I’m not saying I know where this is going, but…

Meh. 6/10. It’s fine, it’s perfectly serviceable, but 2017 CPUK - Peak-PUK - was sharper.