Dr. bird 🌻 | Inspiring Change

Yeah, and it doesn’t pay right now to be an expert in that hahah can’t wait til we change that

Since my PhD is about improving our sense of self, our relationships, and society instead of plastic production or whatever tf.

Because I was living paycheck to paycheck because of the amount of millennial debt poverty I’ve lived with thanks to normalization of slumlords and unlivable wages, despite my PhD.

You know what’s really awful? Is that even if I wasn’t fired for telling the truth about a white supremacist christian nationalist I still wouldn’t have been able to afford to help twinkle.

So basically I’ve just been raw dogging a nervous breakdown for practically my entire fucking life lmaooo so I’m like a stress Goliath who’s lowkey sub/consciously been training to tolerate incremental societal collapse LOL nbd

Hahah like you’re telling me all those things weren’t just what you lived for the vast majority of your life??? Oh okay. Well that explains a fuckin lot about why I’ve dealt with the last six years far differently than the vast majority of the entire fucking world 🌻💀

Bro I just googled symptoms of a nervous breakdown and it just listed off everything I experienced my first thirty years as an unrealized and unsupported autistic person LOL I’ll take my largely hermit life with rare socializing, thank you.

🌻🐦‍⬛🌞❤️‍🩹💙💛❤️‍🔥

I am looking for work that is a part of building the new world not contributing to the destruction of this current one.

Shook*

As far as the maintenance guy said and did, thankfully, the washer was an easy fix. It just shock so violently it came off the front suspension rods.

Everytime I make food twinkle was always there getting in my way. How am I supposed to make food without her being there getting under my feet and excited to see me.

It’s wild to think about how many times you’ve helped people (because you want the world and everyone in it to be better) who are genuinely committed to your undoing.

❤️‍🩹💙

I used to care for a regal beast who wailed in the night.

Now she is gone and I hear her wails grieved from my own mouth.

❤️‍🩹💙

I spent all my time with her in one 700 square feet space or another for the last six years. The entirety of C19 thus far, and now she’s just gone.

Even just a year ago it felt like Twinkle would basically live forever doing inquisitive little meows and/or yelling at me at all hours of the day and night.

I was 19 years old when I adopted her. I’ve lived like 8 different lives between when she came into my life, my mom took care of her, and then both of their passing. That’s fucked, man.

It should have been any of the monsters in the Epstein files instead of twinkle.

She helped me wake up, gave me someone to care for, and reminded me to change my laundry from the washer to the dryer. She loved laying in the sun and jumping in and out of boxes and she was my old lady baby and now she’s gone because this country is hell.

Y’all don’t understand. Twinkle was basically the only family I have in this part of the country the last six years. She was the only being I could even semi-safely exist around since COVID-19 started and my mom passed away so I adopted her.

It sounded like a zip tie snapped in there and then the tub slammed against whatever else exists inside there. So that’s fuckin great. Today of all fucking days.

My washer tub just snapped off the front and slammed against the inside of the carriage during the spin cycle 🤦🏻‍♀️

If I had money I could’ve afforded to get blood tests to verify what was wrong with her, and maybe could have treated her. But instead I barely have enough to pay my final few weeks of rent on the first and they offered to put her down for free. I can barely afford groceries.

Today was the only time I’ve ever seen twinkle let a person, even me, touch her let alone pick her up at a vet. It hurts me to know how long she might’ve been suffering, and she’d lost so much weight I could feel her bones.

The vet said it was probably her kidneys or thyroid and since I couldn’t afford to test or care for either this was the kindest way, but it feels so cruel. I’ll never forgive this country for not paying me enough to live so I could care for her rather than put her to sleep.

I couldn’t even bare to watch the sedation reach her or touch her while it did. I couldn’t handle watching her actually be put to sleep so they took her into another room.

And then she’d get up only to strain and then lay back down and meow like she was suffering. I took her to the same emergency vet and explained the financially dire circumstances I’m in and we put her down. I’m not ok.

Ever since I took Twinkle to the emergency vet a month or so ago, I switched her to wet food, and I thought she was doing alright, but she just kept losing weight. Today she threw up a lot and kept straining for a long time again, and was having increasingly more trouble walking.